I wish it was over
I wish I could go to sleep and leave this body behind. I wish I didn't have to wake up and find myself in this same life. I know that one day I will be free of it, I just wish it was soon. Continuing on for years more is a thought very hard to bear. Every night when I lay down to sleep I wish my hardest that this will be the night I will be freed, and every morning when I wake up to the same life I am crushed. I don't want any more experiences of any kind in this lifetime - I want to be free of it. I don't understand the purpose of having to live this life any longer. I don't want to be helpful to anyone else - I don't want to overcome anything. Nothing in this life holds any interest for me whatsoever. And I don't want it to. I know life is terminal no matter how it is lived. And I long to be done with it.
Replies
dear Heretic, I am so sorry you feel this way and are so far down in the pit of despair of painful depression. Hugs to you.
heretic, I understand what you are saying my friend. I have been there. I am truly sorry you feel this way. It\'s deep depression that you are feeling. I have faith and I have to believe you have the strength to fight this. I am here if you want to talk, I care. Many hugs to you.
I wish I knew what to do to help with your depressive situation...can you go to your clinic and spend time talking to the people there and since meds often help get some changes in meds if you haven\'t already?
I also get some of these same feelings in depression...when the sun comes back in spring I usually pick it up and get out of it...hope that also happens with u....hugs bill
if you wanna talk/chat grab me when I am online...hugs bill
I wish i had the words to help you feel better. Im feeling the same way today. I have the same thoughts almost every nite. The last few days have been ok but boom it hit me again. We have to fight our thoughts and i understand how you feel right now. I have been reading Psalms in the bible and it helps sometimes. I think this weather has got me feeling down also. God Bless you and watch over you and i hope you feel better soon.
So sorry to hear you feeling this way because I can totally relate to the pain and despair you are feeling. Hopefully by now you are a little better? I used to go to bed at night screaming and sobbing to God that he would let my life end that night, I couldn\'t take it anymore. I prayed my hardest that I would not wake up in the morning and that someone more deserving could be spared and I would gladly take their place. I have wanted to end my life so many times but so far have stayed sane enough to know that I could not do that to my family. I really know how you feel, not wanting to wake up. I haven\'t felt that way for a while now, finally getting on the right meds, at least for now. I am still very depressed though, feel worthless and like a waste of space. I can\'t work, I feel no good to anyone. But we just have to hang in there and have faith that it will pass. I know it so hard. Just know you are not alone and I am here for you.
Hugs and blessings,
Kellie
Okay, Heretic- What can I say? I think your journal has reached in and grabbed my heart. And that\'s a good thing because I don\'t want to be numb and not care. I don\'t want to feel like I have no purpose. And if I can offer even a slight glimmer of hope to you, then I\'ll feel like my day was not a total waste. Well, this all started with our posts about God and how we don\'t pray any more and from there I checked out your profile and then your journal entries. Wow. Please allow me to say that I feel a really strong growing connection with you and I am glad for it. Please know that I know so so well that hope that maybe this time I can go to bed and not wake up. Thank God I\'m not in that space any more, but those days weren\'t so long ago and I will always remember them. I don\'t exactly know how I stayed alive during the worst of it, but I did. And yes life can seem so cruel like a death sentence in itself-----except that a real death sentence would seem like mercy. You\'re not alone. You may feel alone in your apartment or house but we are all here for you at DS.