I wish I was a writer...
I wish I could say things in a clever way. I wish I could write out all this thought that swirl thru my head. To take all the thoughts I have and put them out there.
How much I despise my husband. How I wonder what it's like to truly love and respect and appreciate your spouse. Why can't I be one of those persons married to their best friend. Madly crazy in love. When I'm only madly crazy in hate. I cringe when he touches me. I don't like sharing my wildest dreams with him. I don't want to share those parts of me with him. I hide them. That don't include him anyway. They're not good enough for him. I've shared my goals/dreams with him before. But they aren't the same as his so they don't count. He's told me that...that's a not a real goal. Don't you want something more. Even in marriage counseling he's said "she doesn't really have goals". Yes I DO! Just because he doesn't agree with them doesn't mean they aren't real. I get tired and frustrated living this way. I wanted more. 10 yrs. that's all that's left till the kids are gone, and I can be free. I'll old by then...lol ok fifty, maybe it's not really that old. Trying now to do things that keep me young and in shape. But maybe I won't care if I'm out of shape. Wrinkled. Unwanted. Maybe I'll just be content to be free. Do my own thing. Get a job. Rent/own my own little place. Freedom. To do my own thing. Live my own way. No one watching. No one judging.
How much I despise my husband. How I wonder what it's like to truly love and respect and appreciate your spouse. Why can't I be one of those persons married to their best friend. Madly crazy in love. When I'm only madly crazy in hate. I cringe when he touches me. I don't like sharing my wildest dreams with him. I don't want to share those parts of me with him. I hide them. That don't include him anyway. They're not good enough for him. I've shared my goals/dreams with him before. But they aren't the same as his so they don't count. He's told me that...that's a not a real goal. Don't you want something more. Even in marriage counseling he's said "she doesn't really have goals". Yes I DO! Just because he doesn't agree with them doesn't mean they aren't real. I get tired and frustrated living this way. I wanted more. 10 yrs. that's all that's left till the kids are gone, and I can be free. I'll old by then...lol ok fifty, maybe it's not really that old. Trying now to do things that keep me young and in shape. But maybe I won't care if I'm out of shape. Wrinkled. Unwanted. Maybe I'll just be content to be free. Do my own thing. Get a job. Rent/own my own little place. Freedom. To do my own thing. Live my own way. No one watching. No one judging.
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