I wish I was me

I wish I was me I feel lost inside I don't know how to cry I wish I was me I used to be called beautiful I used to be cherished Now I'm just attacked all the time for sex Even when I can't fullfill it I used to be too skinny Now I'm just too fat I wish I was me I feel like a failure I feel eventually I will be headed towards a divorce With no where to go or no where to sleep My husband says he will always stand by my side But I feel it will eventually change and I will have no where to hide I am full of doubts I am full of fear My mind says all kinds of things I don't want to hear In the past I was abused And I cried all the time But if just one drop would come out I think I would be satisfied I've changed so much But in a bad way I'm not depressed Just wishing it was like it used to be When I was skinny and care free When my husband had all of the hours in the world to work And was just happy to have me I need to regain my will.... And find my buffalo stance  before I fall down And realize that sometimes it's okay to frown But not to make it a habit Everyone has their ups  And everyone has their downs But with positive eyes A rainbow can always be found I lack motivation to do some serious soul searching Each time I hear a you can do it  I know that just  isn't me I feel my muscles ache but I if only I could see change Instead of being thinner I just keep getting fatter  I want to believe in Obama with all of his hope for change But the economy keeps sinking lower And finances keep getting tighter And I just don't see anything get any brighter IF only I could trust and learn to believe Then somewhere inside I will find the old me