I wish I knew
I am so lost. Just do not know what to do with myself. Its like I am in this holding pattern just waiting for things to go back to normal, everything will be fine, she will come home. Then I have to remind myself that she is gone. My baby is gone. Marissa was a very unique girl. She didn't "fake" anything. She was Her and if you didn't like it oh well. She knew what she wanted and she never judged ANYONE. In fact it really angered her when people did judge. So many peoples lives were touched by Marissa, more than I ever knew. As a mother I wanted her to succeed and go far in life I just didn't see how far she had actually come in ways that I can not say at 38 I have reached yet and she had at 18. She had such admirable qualities and we were so blessed to have her. I miss her so so much and I am just lost in this life without her and I cannot wait until the day we meet again. What will I do until then?
Replies
Early grief is such a hard time, it is hard to know what to do. For now, you just breathe and let each moment pass onto another. Marissa sounds like a wonderful, beautiful young woman. I know this has shattered you, the longing seems eternal, I know. It gets better but it seems like it takes forever. Right now, take care of you! Sending love, Leda
Yes, as Leda says: right now, take gentle care of yourself. It\'s a very disabling period, the fresh grief. Hard to know how to include it in yourself. I know. We\'re five years down the line now, and yes, it is easier. We miss our Jake very much, and try to remember him with humor, such a big part of him.
Love to you, and your beautiful Marissa, Abby
Grieving is so exhausting. You are in the early stages and it makes perfect sense that you feel so lost. The bottom has fallen out of your world. i understand that you don\'t see life improving but slowlyand surely, you will build a new life. You will always miss Marissa but I can tell you that it is possible to smile again. Just know we understand and care.
I hope you are taking care of yourself.
Love and tight hugs,
Marlene
Marissa sounds like a very special young lady. How lucky she is to be so loved by you. We all stood in your shoes in the early days of this journey. When you don\'t know what to do, try getting through an hour. If that\'s to much, try a minute. You are broken, but not so broken that one day, when the time is right, you will get up and walk down your intended path. Be gentle with yourself. We are here for you.
Gari
There are no words that can help in our journey except that we understand and will walk with you. Wishing you some peace as you take it one day or minute at a time. Hugs, Kathy
Wish I had words to \"make it all go away\" and our life would go back the way it was BEFORE...... It seems like my life is now before Jennifer and now after Jennifer.....It\'s surreal at times, but always sad and I find myself hating this reality of my life....you will certainly never be the same, but as everyone has said, be gentle with yourself, allow yourself to feel and know that each of us understands. ((((hugs)))) Vicki
Understanding with my whole heart what you are describing and oh, how I wish I did not know this path, yet I do as we all do and what brings me comfort is knowing that if you all can make it I can too.
The healing path takes time and I remember feeling as if I\'d rip someone\'s eyeballs out if I heard that one more time from anyone. Yet I did and here I am saying it to you. This holding pattern that you speak of is a sacred space of healing that you cannot rush and you have to be there for as long as needed. Our time lines are as unique as we are keep reminding yourself that you are doing your best with the worst loss a mother could ever experience and to be so very gentle and kind with yourself and your feelings.
Continue to share as you are and know that YOU are not alone on this lonely path and that Marissa is remembered here daily as are you. What a wonderful daughter she is and this is when you can lean on her and ask her to help you as I\'m sure you do. My dear Doug receives an \"ear full!\"
Loving care,
XO Joanie