I wish I could vomit
I wish I could puke up all the anxiety, guilt, shame and regret I carry inside me. It all stays in a sick lump in my gut I carry around with me every day. No way to get it out, no way to feel clean or healthy. I take medication to try and stay sane, but even that is iffy. I feel my sanity slip in tiny bits each day, it's scary. I isolate myself so people won't find out how sick I really am. I wish it all was over.
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Hugs to you heretic. Can you write out the bad stuff in your journal, do meditations to visualise it leaving your body? I do one where I visualise white, gold or green healing light entering my body and healing the foul stuff. Works sometimes.
I like that biofeedback type thinking. The visualizing the bad leaving your body. I used to wallow in my guilt and shame and make myself miserable. Now I work on being good, kind and helping others...kind of like atoning for my \"sins\". You really can\'t change the past...but remember the past doesn\'t exist...it\'s gone forever! Remember, you were sick and without meds \"back then\" and you can\'t hold yourself so responsible for your past mistakes. You have changed so much and shown yourself to be a great and worthy friend. Yes, I agree with Moltengold\'s suggestion about picturing the bad leaving your body...I like to think of the past as an old movie...instead of watching the reruns...try picturing the old film burning up and disolving....LET IT GO....! You are a true and wonderful friend and I treasure our friendship.
Hi,
Don\'t give up hope for your future. I had alot of really bad years and am now having a hard time again but I do know this, God will not let me down. I am here for a reason and I can\'t wait to find out what God has in store for me. Maybe this is it for now, I just don\'t know. Depression is a very big test of strength and you have got to be strong because you are here, helping others by sharing and also by asking for help. This is strength and determination to not just give up. As I drive home, I look at the trees and try hard to hang one problem or one bad memory on each tree that I see. This helps me lighten my load and then once I am home and ready for bed, I hand all the rest to God. Thinking of you and hoping you find some peace and happiness. Hugs to you, BL