I wish I could do it

I woke up this morning after a night where I really beat myself up.

I am still doing it. I don't know why. I need to some how give myself

some affirmation and though I feel really low and hopeless I need to

keep on keeping on. I go to my therapist at 11. Really glad for that.

Having this journal gives me outlet for expressing this stuff. I just

watch the tv and see people living strong and happy lives and

I really wish I could too. Sometimes I fear that I am headed for the hospital

again or worse. Welcome to Holland.