I wasn't ready for this

Finally, a day without tears. Dinner with friends = a no tears evening.
 Growing old alone is a real possibility for me.
Where am I going?
24/7 always on my mind. My life seems so long ago.
 My plan and Gods plan, what do they have in common?
 I wasn’t ready for the loneliness. I just cannot believe that I am here alone. Why are Friday afternoons so extra hard?