i was reading my first journl entries

i now know that my h was beginning the affair around that time.  its funny how i had no idea specifically that he was having an affair, but i knew that something major was wrong and that a change was happening.  i started coming to this site for support as we were disconnected and i now know that he was having an affair.  his attention was not on me or us.  and i knew that was wrong.  how tired can u get?  and he didn't wanna address what was happening or what he was doing. 
im grateful for the ability to choose healing.  can't fix what u dont acknowledge.  so avoiding is not a great way to live.  im choosing to live. 
ive been through a lot of loss the last few years.  the marriage, the baby, idk how many jobs, school.....went 2 a support group 2day and the facilitator reminded me that i havent grieved for the baby i lost b/c the baby was so quickly replaced by a new child, but warned that at some point i may need to grieve that child.  and that ill nd 2 grieve the marriage as well. 
i dont know how 2 grieve the baby or the marriage when i havent totally given up on it.  as the facilitator pointed out all these things r kinda intertwined.  she suggested i just accept that its gonna come and 2 allow it when it does and dont b shocked. 
ill try.