I Was Dumb
So, this morning I got a call from a cousin I hadn't spoken to in years. He's about my fathers age and I know they talk(or argue), so I immediately got concerned, thinking something had happened to my father. It was at 9 in the morning, also scary. Everything is fine, he said, but your dad is worried about you. I hadn't spoken to dad in about a week due to a vicious argument. I'm trying to adjust to knowing my father hates me and wants to torture me with words, so I had sent all his messages to voice mail and only listened to a few of them. They were all venomous in tone, so I stopped listening to them.
Anyhow, I was surprised to have this cousin calling. He told me dad was so worried that he'd planned to get a cab and come out. Or even call the police to make sure I was okay. Imagine my surprise. I'd been pretty convinced that he loved me, but that was last year. After that I realized he didn't love me. And finally, I realized he hated me. I was tired of dealing with high-blood pressure and the constant stress of dealing with a person who wanted to do anything to hurt me. I wanted him out of my life. A journey, but talking to my cousin, I started to wonder if I'd been right. Maybe he really did care for me and was hiding behind his pride.
I took the dog out, all the while thinking about this. Maybe I was wrong. The cousin told me to call him and that he wasn't planning to call back.
Now, the stupid part. That's me. I called when I got in. And there was the same old dad, screaming at me about the stuff I told this cousin. The cousin that I didn't even have his telephone number. The cousin that I've spoken to maybe twice in thirty years. And dad said, he hadn't spoken to the cousin, but knew what I was up to.
He never asked how I was. Never cared. Just screaming about how bad I was and telling me how he was the innocent victim in all this.
And I hung up. He never once asked how I was. (I suffered a fall in the parking lot and am strugglilng to get around.) He never gave a damn, just wanted someone to argue with.
So, now I've got to start all over in my road to recovery.
Anyhow, I was surprised to have this cousin calling. He told me dad was so worried that he'd planned to get a cab and come out. Or even call the police to make sure I was okay. Imagine my surprise. I'd been pretty convinced that he loved me, but that was last year. After that I realized he didn't love me. And finally, I realized he hated me. I was tired of dealing with high-blood pressure and the constant stress of dealing with a person who wanted to do anything to hurt me. I wanted him out of my life. A journey, but talking to my cousin, I started to wonder if I'd been right. Maybe he really did care for me and was hiding behind his pride.
I took the dog out, all the while thinking about this. Maybe I was wrong. The cousin told me to call him and that he wasn't planning to call back.
Now, the stupid part. That's me. I called when I got in. And there was the same old dad, screaming at me about the stuff I told this cousin. The cousin that I didn't even have his telephone number. The cousin that I've spoken to maybe twice in thirty years. And dad said, he hadn't spoken to the cousin, but knew what I was up to.
He never asked how I was. Never cared. Just screaming about how bad I was and telling me how he was the innocent victim in all this.
And I hung up. He never once asked how I was. (I suffered a fall in the parking lot and am strugglilng to get around.) He never gave a damn, just wanted someone to argue with.
So, now I've got to start all over in my road to recovery.
Replies
You cannot believe the people who talk to you about your dad if they do not know him as well as you do. They mean well as did your cousin but he is not in the know and doesn\'t know what your dad says to you. He should listen to your voice messages to hear how venomous your dad is to you. Your dad is sweet and innocent to other people just not to you. No one sees that side of your dad only you. You are the lucky one - not!
All the best in dealing with your dad and recovering from the fall you had in the parking lot. Get well. From Diane B
Sometimes we do the right things and because of others actions it doesn\'t work. That\'s not a reflection on you, but him. You are not responsible for his actions, my friend. I know how upsetting it is but remember, this is His problem. You are a good and fine person. Hugs, Sharon