I was angry this morning.
I was angry this morning, after being really insulted and treated poorly
by the deaconess -yesterday -
I then woke up this morning and that mood shadowed me.
I went down to the chapel and just didn't feel much like doing a good job
or trying or learning the role as she tried to direct me. She was a mixed
bag of attitudes as well.
I thought about her - and I thought that she just may not be that
good of a teacher.
But I knew I had to get the work done. I won't let my trajectory
be influenced by one bad teacher - I knew we had to get the work done
and I knew we had to survive.
And my emotions became educated. It was like a mix of love and hate
for the job I was doing. I realized so many of us must go through this
and I just felt more motivated to get the work done and to do it properly
and well.
I thought about what my friend Robin said about fearing this adventure or being brave enough to
go through with what I am doing... I suppose there's a fear of losing oneself
but I have become even more enlightened I feel.
I am getting things done.
Replies
The words you use to describe your emotions, feelings, and choices from those feelings as you work through the work that you are already doing for your well-being speak eloquently in this journey.
The lessons learned from that particular interaction will give you more peace of mind, spirit, energy, and heart as you continue to work on what you choose to move forward with.
Thanks Mid!
I'm sad to hear that you were treated poorly. When I first started teaching, I taught at a Catholic School for several years. The nuns in charge were so full of compassion and love and treated everyone well all the time. It's how I always envisioned nuns to be. Then, they retired, and it was run by a new order. They could be quite hostile, and the sweet, kind vibe of the school was gone. I lasted 2 years and then went to the public schools. I don't know if my expectations are unrealistic/naive when it comes to people in the religious sector, but I still hold on to the belief that they should always be kind. Sending peace, hugs, and understanding.
When someone treats me poorly, I remind myself that they may be dealing with past emotional wounds or current problems that I know nothing about. It's like the old saying, "Hurt people hurt people." Maybe that's not the case here, but perhaps it's something to consider? I hope things get better for you! Hugs.
Thanks Susan and Judy!!! I really needed to learn to process this, the relationships at the monastery are different. I struggled but then remembered the very important values of getting the work done and surviving. I was not motivated at first but then went for my North Star of self responsibility and it made a big difference. Accepting that mix of feelings helped helped me look above and beyond the morass and see the important and good stuff!
((((Marcos)))))
Big hugs from me & Baby <3 <3 <3
Thanks lil missy!!
Hang in there Mark! You are doing just fine! Do your job to the best of your ability, despite the challenging instructions and No One will be able to fault you!
thanks mary louise. I wrote something else just now that I will post too. I so appreciate the encouragement and reminder
to do my work and to do it to the best degree! :) I love that!!