I want to talk

I went to my therapist yesterday. I found myself just not feeling so great

after words. Today at work, I had a hard time becoming motivated and I was

kind of lackadaisical and not feeling so strong or healthy.

I came home, ate, changed and went to the office..where I was also hard pressed to

be motivated but I stuck with it...willing the power to inch by inch my way through the work.

It really turned into a kind of productive time today. J my boss also has a bunch of candy and diet sodas there.

I decided to indulge and I did :). 

I have to say I found myself wanting to run to the monastery today. Just feeling so whispy thin..not strong

as if that were the only place I would be safe ... to put myself there... to ride out my days - doing

hard work and experiencing the rythm and ritual.

I am safe though here. I am so, so lucky for the home I have, for the job at the market and the work at the office. I have a lot. Friends, family and support. I am grateful for it.

I was thinking about it - and I was talking to my therapist about it - and we started talking about the past

and what my mind set was...and I told her "I just kind of hoping for the best.." She said that's how a lot of people forsee their future. I have a relative who is super talented and strong. She sees her future and how to achieve it - and goes strong, strong into the planning and execution. I like that a lot - and maybe with some confidence I can get a little more momentum going in that kind of direction - for the most part I feel like a spiritual brother to most - getting on with my day and life..