I want to be stronger
I want to be stronger. I don't want to cry at odd moments during the day. I want to feel powerful. I want to be able to laugh at a joke or see the humor in a situation. I want to love and be loved and not feel this rejection. I want to be powerful from within so that no one can ever mess with me again. Why is he allowed to mess with my head and make me feel weak while he gets to run off and play happy house with his new family? I want my kids to feel powerful. I want them to be able to deflect his selfishness and be shielded from his neglect. I want to be powerful so that I can stand on my own two feet and say, "This, too, I shall survive."
I want to be able to live in the moment and feel God's love and say I can do this. The ex doesn't matter. Only I matter and how I act. And in every moment I want to act in a way that is kind, generous, never cruel, patient, and with warmth. I want to be able to love unconditionally the people who deserve it and see right through those who are not worthy.
I want to be able to say, "Yes I can do this." I can do all of this. I don't want the fear. I want to feel confident like I did before I ever got together with the ex.
Someone pointed out to me that I have been working my whole life, even before I married. I paid bills with money that I earned and I provided health insurance for my family (even him) through my work. People are saying that I have been doing this for the past 25 years, and I just didn't realize it because I thought we were a TEAM, when it was really just me and the kids anyway.
And so I want to feel powerful. I want to be stronger. I want to be enough for me.
I want to be able to live in the moment and feel God's love and say I can do this. The ex doesn't matter. Only I matter and how I act. And in every moment I want to act in a way that is kind, generous, never cruel, patient, and with warmth. I want to be able to love unconditionally the people who deserve it and see right through those who are not worthy.
I want to be able to say, "Yes I can do this." I can do all of this. I don't want the fear. I want to feel confident like I did before I ever got together with the ex.
Someone pointed out to me that I have been working my whole life, even before I married. I paid bills with money that I earned and I provided health insurance for my family (even him) through my work. People are saying that I have been doing this for the past 25 years, and I just didn't realize it because I thought we were a TEAM, when it was really just me and the kids anyway.
And so I want to feel powerful. I want to be stronger. I want to be enough for me.
Replies
Honey, love what you wrote. You are going in the right direction. Thinking like that is amazing. You are still in shock. When that wears off, and it will. Anger and resentment will follow. Use that to fuel you to go after what you want and need. If you think that there are real happiness and respect with his flavour of the month, forget that. They are always looking over their shoulders. Feeling uncomfortable when they enter a room together. Knowing what they did. There is no trust, respect or honour for them. Please be gentle with yourself, you deserve it. Hugs
You are stronger. Maybe not as strong as you want to be now but you will get there. Your eyes are open and you realize it was you paying the bills and taking care of your family.
The anger will come and you use that to fuel the strength you need to build a new life for you and your family. You will have some bad days but keep focusing on the future you want for your family.
I agree, you are strong, stronger than you give yourself credit for. I could have written these words myself, so I understand your thoughts. You are powerful. You are strong. You are enough. Take care of you and know you are not alone.