I want things NOW!!!
I'm finding that I get frustrated, discouraged, and pretty inpatient with a lot of things. Most of my life i have found ways to make things happen my way. Not always the best ways, or the most honest, but I mostly barged through people to get my way. I can't do that now though. Mostly because I am trying to do an honest program, but also there are so many more desperate people out there to compete with because of the economy.
I want a job right now, but it's not going the way I want, but really I've only really began looking about a week ago. I find that for a couple, i have gotten a bit discouraged because they hired other people. It's really teaching me to work on my faith, and letting things happen in God's time.
My mind tries to use these things to beat me up. "See, your just some goof anyway. Who are you kidding, your not going to get anything because your just a stupid thief." And on, and on. i'm getting good at catching it now, and it seems a bit funny. i can feel like the only one in the world who hasn't got a job.
So weird how our minds work. I know none of that is true, and I will be working soon, but it has to happen in God's time, not mine. Alright, I'm cool with that. I can wait. Hopefully not too long.
In the meantime things are going alright. I'm eating healthy, getting sleep, have nice clothes. So my needs are taken care of.
I went to this place yesterday that my sponsor told me to go to. They help you to find shared accomodations in these homes. Not ordinary homes. I guess it's mostly for people that are on the streets.
There actually very nice places that are well looked after by a christian organization. The residents have chores to do, meetings once a month to sort out any problems, and they ask if you prefere a place where people want to stay clean or not. I thought it seemed pretty good so I signed up. The waiting list is about a year though. Have to keep phoning them once a month until then. i hope it's not that long. I'de hate to stay at the shelter for that long.
I didn't bother about the job in Muskoka yesterday. I don't want to go to a place and get stuck staying in there. I don't have a car or any means to travel. I'm still wondering about it though. The guy sent me an E-mail saying that if he doesn't hear from me by Wednesday then he will hire other people. Who knows, it might be a good thing. I will think tonight about it, but I can't even afford to call him. I lost my cell phone, and my phone card so I can't call. Geeze, well see what happens. I can only do what I can.
I blew up at this guy at the shelter last night. They have a three person shower there that is very small. He was in there and had this big bag of clothes on this little thing that's actually to sit on. I came in and wanted to put my shampoo on it, and the guy takes it off. I got mad because were supposed to share the thing. I said some pretty nasty things because he was really being a jerk. I don't think he's all there. Anyway, the staff heard me and came in. It was the same staff member who's always telling me about different rules. He seen I only had about two inches of this table, and the other guy was trying to keep it for himself, so he told the other guy to not touch my stuff. Really pretty childish. I felt more stupid about being sucked into such a stupid thing. Here's this big fat guy with no clothes on,me standing there yelling at him. Ahhh, it was stupid. Anyway, I got over it very fast and got on with what I needed to do.
You get all kinds of people there. Almost everynight there is some type of problem that seems entertaining for the rest. Overall, it's not bad though. I hear at the other places it's pretty bad. People steal other peoples belongings, or beat them up. It's pretty bad. Most people that get beaten up are people that can't really defend themselves, but they are in a room with 3 or 4 other people. Sometimes people are drunk, or high on crack. It can really be bad because no one is there to watch you, or help you. I'm glad I'm not there, and that I'm in the better place.
I brought some bread back to the shelter because we don't get bread there. I got told not to do that though. Their concerned that someone might get sick and start a law suit against them. So I won't do that anymore. Too bad though because I do really enjoy sharing the things I can get, and the guys really love it. I hate these types of rules, but I know, and I will obey it.
Got to another meeting last night. It was a gay one. I don't mind people being gay, but last night a couple of them were sitting together with their arms around each other, and one guy had his head leaning on the others chest. I found that a little anoyying because I thought it was just a meeting and I didn't think that them being openly expressing affection there was appropriate. I ignored it, but I thought it was kind of silly for grown men to be acting like a couple of school kids. Even if I had a girlfriend at a meeting, I wouldn't do that there. That's me though, and they say live and let live. I guess so.
Anyway, that's my day so far. just going to hang out here, again, and look for jobs and stuff. Thank you, Lord.
I want a job right now, but it's not going the way I want, but really I've only really began looking about a week ago. I find that for a couple, i have gotten a bit discouraged because they hired other people. It's really teaching me to work on my faith, and letting things happen in God's time.
My mind tries to use these things to beat me up. "See, your just some goof anyway. Who are you kidding, your not going to get anything because your just a stupid thief." And on, and on. i'm getting good at catching it now, and it seems a bit funny. i can feel like the only one in the world who hasn't got a job.
So weird how our minds work. I know none of that is true, and I will be working soon, but it has to happen in God's time, not mine. Alright, I'm cool with that. I can wait. Hopefully not too long.
In the meantime things are going alright. I'm eating healthy, getting sleep, have nice clothes. So my needs are taken care of.
I went to this place yesterday that my sponsor told me to go to. They help you to find shared accomodations in these homes. Not ordinary homes. I guess it's mostly for people that are on the streets.
There actually very nice places that are well looked after by a christian organization. The residents have chores to do, meetings once a month to sort out any problems, and they ask if you prefere a place where people want to stay clean or not. I thought it seemed pretty good so I signed up. The waiting list is about a year though. Have to keep phoning them once a month until then. i hope it's not that long. I'de hate to stay at the shelter for that long.
I didn't bother about the job in Muskoka yesterday. I don't want to go to a place and get stuck staying in there. I don't have a car or any means to travel. I'm still wondering about it though. The guy sent me an E-mail saying that if he doesn't hear from me by Wednesday then he will hire other people. Who knows, it might be a good thing. I will think tonight about it, but I can't even afford to call him. I lost my cell phone, and my phone card so I can't call. Geeze, well see what happens. I can only do what I can.
I blew up at this guy at the shelter last night. They have a three person shower there that is very small. He was in there and had this big bag of clothes on this little thing that's actually to sit on. I came in and wanted to put my shampoo on it, and the guy takes it off. I got mad because were supposed to share the thing. I said some pretty nasty things because he was really being a jerk. I don't think he's all there. Anyway, the staff heard me and came in. It was the same staff member who's always telling me about different rules. He seen I only had about two inches of this table, and the other guy was trying to keep it for himself, so he told the other guy to not touch my stuff. Really pretty childish. I felt more stupid about being sucked into such a stupid thing. Here's this big fat guy with no clothes on,me standing there yelling at him. Ahhh, it was stupid. Anyway, I got over it very fast and got on with what I needed to do.
You get all kinds of people there. Almost everynight there is some type of problem that seems entertaining for the rest. Overall, it's not bad though. I hear at the other places it's pretty bad. People steal other peoples belongings, or beat them up. It's pretty bad. Most people that get beaten up are people that can't really defend themselves, but they are in a room with 3 or 4 other people. Sometimes people are drunk, or high on crack. It can really be bad because no one is there to watch you, or help you. I'm glad I'm not there, and that I'm in the better place.
I brought some bread back to the shelter because we don't get bread there. I got told not to do that though. Their concerned that someone might get sick and start a law suit against them. So I won't do that anymore. Too bad though because I do really enjoy sharing the things I can get, and the guys really love it. I hate these types of rules, but I know, and I will obey it.
Got to another meeting last night. It was a gay one. I don't mind people being gay, but last night a couple of them were sitting together with their arms around each other, and one guy had his head leaning on the others chest. I found that a little anoyying because I thought it was just a meeting and I didn't think that them being openly expressing affection there was appropriate. I ignored it, but I thought it was kind of silly for grown men to be acting like a couple of school kids. Even if I had a girlfriend at a meeting, I wouldn't do that there. That's me though, and they say live and let live. I guess so.
Anyway, that's my day so far. just going to hang out here, again, and look for jobs and stuff. Thank you, Lord.
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