I\'ve loss myself....

I look around my house and I look at myself and I'm gone.  How do I get myself back? I look a hundred years old.  My eyes are tired.  I'm up at 4am and can't sleep anymore - going straight to work.  I want to be happy again but I don't even know where to start because it seems as though I'm my happiest when we're happy together doing the family thing but then comes storm.  Vicious cycles of disrespectful and degrading slurs followed by whatever he can think to say or do to put icing on the cake.  Just like a storm I salvage whatever is left and start to put myself, my house back together again....it's just this time I'm tired.  I'm tired of starting over again.  How do I do this? Where to I start?  How do I keep going? Everytime I leave I look back and it's another year later and I'm still in this MESS.  I'm tired of hiding the truth from my family and supervisor.  Who am I kidding? I'm not hiding it. I need some help. Someone to walk me through this.  I'm trying to do it like the "Step Program" just one day at a time and when I can't do that one minute at a time and when that doesn't work one second at a time.  Can anyone help me with some direction. I've got to get myself together, I've got a 4yr. old son to raise.