I took the night off and I have a day of 'no duties' tomorrow

I threw a load of laundry in the machine, came back to my room and cuddled with Blue

and fed him. I ate a big bar of Dubai chocolate...really good and I found myself slipping

into brain freeze. I just don't know what to do with myself - I feel there is something wrong with me

for not being able to entertain myself or think of what to do. I think I am different. I am sitting here

at the monastery and I am just feelnig different from the rest. Sorry I am getting whiney.

I need to figure out what to do with myself. I am so used to doing what I am 'supposed to do.'

The structure takes care of all meandering curiousity from me - though I do write a hella about

my thoughts. I won't catastrophize it. I simply will focus on the next thing I need to be doing.

Transfering laundry to the dryer. Coming up to my room after that, I could use a shower.

If I had money or lived near a city - or perhaps had my own home, I would take a jacuzzi

or a sauna. I suppose there's nothing wrong with thinking about that. My last therapist

encouraged me to do things that filled my soul - when in fact I am pretty all that mind body relationship

isn't always available to me. You should see or HEAR me in service in the morning. My voice and my

pronunciation are sometimes there and sometimes not at all...say it don't spray it.... I just have

a slight speech impediment and summoning a booming voice isn't what I have to give.

I suppose all this stuff about not being 'just so' really gets on my nerves. I'll figure it out.

Wash and dry

sort and fold

you and I

are growing old.

:)