I took a walk!

2:00 p.m. S: We still on for our walk at 4:30?2:01 p.m. Me: Ummm, I've been feeling anxious about leaving the house....2:05 p.m. S: That's ok, let's chat at 4. So then I watched the clock and blogged about it to try and convince myself I shouldn't be anxious about committing to do something good for myself!  As the time grew nearer, the more anxious I became about making a decision.  I am not sure I even knew what the anxiety was about?  Leaving the house?  Actually walking? Seeing my friend? 4:14 Still no sign of S.Me: S, I should probably just come with you for a walk. So S picked me up and the anxiety about the walk disappeared. Somehow, whether he knew it or not, leaving it totally up to me without any pressure, I came to my own decision that I wanted to go.  What IS strange to me is that I could only come to that definitive conclusion once I thought it was being taken away as an option. I guess that's something else to deal with entirely. It's the most I've stretched my legs in weeks if not a month.  And it was a beautiful sunset.  I felt a little disassociated from its beauty.  I could recognize that it was beautiful but didn't feel it the way I normally do when I'm not depressed.  It's like I was seeing it through extra thick glass rather than being in it.  I was still too wrapped up in the thoughts in my own head to truly relax and let it all go and "be" there with the view. Keep taking those steps though, right?