I told
I wrote this after my appointment with my counselor today. It's what Sarah (the little part of me) wanted to say but couldn't. She was too scared, so she told me. I want to send it to my counselor, but wanted opinions first. Does it make sense? I'm so confused I don't really know or understand what I'm writing right now. Here it is:
I’m not supposed to tell anyone. Everything that happened to me was my fault. If I tell anyone, they’ll blame it all on me. I’ll be taken away, punished more than I am now. I need to keep quiet, through this punishment. Don’t fight it. Don’t cry out at the pain. Then it’s not so bad. Can’t make a sound. If I do they’ll hurt me more. So I go away. Someone comes to take my place. Because if I’m not there, they can’t do anything to me. I can’t feel the pain, or hear the words. It’s my fault anyway. Why would anyone listen to me? They only punish me when they say I’m doing something wrong. But I don’t understand. I don’t know how to be perfect. It doesn’t make any sense. I try, but I don’t know how. So I deserve this. That’s what I’m told. But I told someone what they did. What will happen to me now?
I’m not supposed to tell anyone. Everything that happened to me was my fault. If I tell anyone, they’ll blame it all on me. I’ll be taken away, punished more than I am now. I need to keep quiet, through this punishment. Don’t fight it. Don’t cry out at the pain. Then it’s not so bad. Can’t make a sound. If I do they’ll hurt me more. So I go away. Someone comes to take my place. Because if I’m not there, they can’t do anything to me. I can’t feel the pain, or hear the words. It’s my fault anyway. Why would anyone listen to me? They only punish me when they say I’m doing something wrong. But I don’t understand. I don’t know how to be perfect. It doesn’t make any sense. I try, but I don’t know how. So I deserve this. That’s what I’m told. But I told someone what they did. What will happen to me now?
Replies
send it. counselor\'s need to know about these candid moments
Yes send it. But do not expect to get a answer until you have another appt.
If you can clarify it a bit that might be helpful.
I think guilt can really mess us up and is usually not warranted.
Treat yoiurself with compassion it really helps. XO
aprilstar you are vert brave I think Christye
I agree. Or print it and take it with you next time. Counselors are there to help you work through this stuff and find a solution or at least peace with the situation.
Hugs
I have another appointment next week. But she knows I sometimes cannot physically tell her things, so emailing her this and talking about it next week would be completely normal.
Why would anyone listen to me? They only punish me when they say Im doing something wrong. But I dont understand. I dont know how to be perfect.
It is not your fault and no one can be perfect.......quit trying. I think you should send this to your counselor.
I can\'t fix this for you, and I feel so helpless. My inabiliy to fix it, is no more MY fault, than what happened to you is yours, but the anger comes anyway. I guess this is what the call a trigger, but so far I\'m handling it. I couldn\'t before I came to DS.
Also, I would print it and take it to the meeting, because -
1, I\'m very paranoid, and
2, I have a friend that tells me all the time that emails live forever. there is no privacy any more. If you print it, you can then destroy it when your done with it. Good luck.
Thank you everyone. As I believe I mentioned in my discussion post, I emailed it to my counselor. Thanks for the support.