I thought I wanted to go to sleep, but after I layed down, my thoughts started churning.
I had anxiety while getting ready for bed. I felt nice about myself and then...swoop!
not permissable to do so!!.... such is the way my mind blows!!
Moments like these... when my mind starts to attack me, I think rather than feeling like I have to find the ultimate inspiration or understanding after the 'mind-slippage', or like something pure like an epiphany....
maybe I can instead tell myself
the natural thing or the ultimate reality is that it’s just 'the realizing that I need to process the bad feelings out' and ‘that’ would be my resolve aka is my wisdom I can take and/or make (but not shake and bake) hehe. This too shall pass I'll tell myself. It will take time and patience and just the sticking to my routine. Thank god for that.
I was thinking before how I realized how much I don’t want to be alone or in other words how much I want contact with others more and more...My healing and routine have been kind of like horseblinders
to my desires and how much I rely on my family and online friends for that need and perhaps it's just that I am growing healthier to see now what I want. I'll go
to the museum again soon which is good. They want me to help them de-install the current show so that's fun :).
When I had that moment of disruption which I wrote about above, I thought about just letting it process out..as I said...
but it really has started to augment and amplify into something of a troubling anxiety for some reason. Perhaps it's the nature of the beast and so to cope with that I need to write it out here...Again I wrote about the above to just let it process out - where I thought if I just became ok with my status and started to get on with the rest of my day...it would go ok.... in imagery I was nearly seeing the parallel in the idea that if you leave the baby to cry he will eventually fall asleep and or learn to entertain himself. But in all reality like anything else troubling - it just may not be so fun while the anxiety and emotions process out to a more peaceful place...Yes that's for sure, I bet that's it.
Ok so good night folks! Happy Saturday Night!!
Replies
i am utterly convinced that thoughts have a physical component. the neuroplasticity theories resonate the clearest for me in visualizing this physical component. the thoughts that continue to hound me even though i **know** better are established neural pathways which continue absorbing my neural impulses out of pure physics, growing larger with each passage of more impulses. kinda like floodwaters which continue to erode the banks of a flooded river instead of flowing down new estuaries which have formed to the side of the river. the eroding riverbanks neither know nor care about the content of fluids eroding its banks. good? bad? not my job to judge. i just channel what life throws at me.
i'm not at all confident i've found the words to describe this theory, but the visualization helps me take the focus away from analyzing detritus in the proverbial floodwaters of habitual thought to widening the new neural pathways which can carry those waters to new ports.
and it's okay if that did not make a lick of sense to you. genius is so misunderstood. if ya can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Thanks Arfie:). ((Hug))) I understood!
i'm sorry you understood, markus.
the butterfly squad should be there shortly with a spiffy new jacket for you.
There is a biological element to our condition.
be any given element cause or effect, there is nary a doubt the body and mind are connected.
true! me and my bro call it 'my loose wire'
that being said...mind and body connectedness...I know I definitely have to start deliberately going
for exercise outside of the workplace sprint. I am sure my mind and body will function and feel that
much better.
Big hug Marky..... We sure can be hard on ourselves huh?... I hope today will be more peaceful for you.... xo
thanks Jan!!
I just came in from a nice little walk. I realized I was feeling depressed initially and so to get my mind and body
going I knew it would be putting myself in motion and then 'going with it' - How wonderful to have realized
another aspect of self responsibility is exercizing my body. It felt great to be out there. And it helped lift my depression.
You Go Marky!!... Good for you for getting out and about!!
Thanks Jan!
Hi Mark. Glad the walk helped. I understand. Here’s to a peaceful rest of the Sunday.
Thanks Nikki!