I think we all might be looking for a little grace
Work is going well. As I worked today I did good work
but also thought about my choices (lucky I am to have choices) coming up in the near
future. I've been invited to go and stay at the monastery for an extended period of time.
As enticing as that is I've also been faced with the issues it presents.
I think there is complexity that I am not sure how to negotiate.
The same kind of complexity comes to the forefront with other relationships too.
I think whatever we 'project' life will be, it most likely will never be what we hoped for
or it presents to us as a 'way of life choice' and yet maybe still there will always be
a longing in our hearts for something else.
As I worked today, I felt a pride in the work I was doing. It's not glamorous but
through my ill times I have made this job mine and held up my end of the work.
So as I worked I thought about other things in my life
where I'd like to make a kind of path forward. I think we all may be
looking for a little grace in our lives. In some form or another...and
maybe also there will always be a kind of longing. I've been so long
trying to figure it out, I guess it's just there.
Replies
i think i might go all the way to malibu to kick your tacky hind side if you don't jump on that opportunity for that extended monastery stay. you've pondered the possibility for long enough that you owe it to yourself to give it a whirl and see how it twirls. the integrity with which you have spoken of your current life leads me to believe you can take the experiment with fair certainty that you can pick up where you left off if the missionary life doesn't pan out.
DO THAT DO, MARKUS QUESTIONARIUS.
as for that longing for more and the search for grace, robert frost gets my vote for having expressed that best in his poem, "the road not taken." a poem well worthy of being forced down the throats of skeptical high school students.
Thanks Arfie!!
Mark, it’s your decision to make, and noone else’s, so if it’s something you’ve been wanting to try then give it a try if it can realistically work out with planning and logistics of your apartment, etc.
While I don’t have any experiences with a monastery or anything of the sort, I can relate the decision to a time years ago when I had paid off my debt, had made strides in my mental health, and needed to start anew again, and so I went to family in Europe for a few months. I don’t regret it.
If you are considering this as a permanent way of life as a resolution or feeling for inner peace, that is your journey. I know you love to write and reflect like a meditation and if going to a monastery to participate In new ways is something you’d like to try, then try it.
I know you’ve also talked about other goals and wanting to date someone, and I don’t know if this becomes a part of indecision, but it’s something to discuss with the people who matter most to you, rather than a sort of rumination in written forms. (I say that because I do that when I write….I ruminate. And the opposite of writing and ruminating is taking small, manageable action.)
With everything, baby steps. Whatever you decide, you can manage it. Where’s the easy button for life? I don’t think there is one. It’s more like a record player or buttons on a jukebox. You can always change your tune if you’d like.
thanks so much Nikki! Very wise words! Appreciated! thanks.
I know that you've talked before about how much you get out of the monastery..... and I get that Blue would be a huge consideration.... If you can get good help for your wee buddy I say go for it.... It might help you to make further decisions..... Big hug... xo
Thanks Jan!