I should be over the most incredible loss in my life?
I can't believe my husbands sister Brenda thinks I should be over the most incredible and unbearable loss of Alan or Smokey, my husband of ten years. It has only been two months. The family called my husband Alan but everyone else he was known as Smokey. It has only been two months since the loss of Smokey. I can't believe anyone should think I should be over it now as I am just beginning to grieve. It was sudden, a surprise and shock to me and everyone else. Grieving the loss of your spouse is a very long road and you just don't get over it in two months. I think people suck when they think you should be over the unbearable loss of your spouse in two months. They are very very wrong.
Replies
Angry
I agreeeeee 100%.
(((( hugs ))))
diane,
first of all, i am so sorry for your loss. secondly, this person is way out of line. you are right...the grieving process, especially for a loved spouse, is a lengthy one, and everyone does it at their own pace. it is possible to get stuck in your grief, but 2 months is not even close to a place where you would be considered for that. Most people say that the greif process takes at least a year, and that going through all of the holidays and special times of the year for both of you are important steps in the process.
Sometimes people want to see you feeling better so badly that they say insensitive things like your sister in law. Sometimes they are uncomfortable with grief or thier own feelings and they want you to stuff your so they won\'t feel so awkward. It would be nice if these people would say nothing rather than something so hurtful, but you might just chalk it up to knowing that you aren\'t going to get any support or understanding there, and continue to go to people who will be understanding and wise about the grief process.
It might also help to go to a grief group if there\'s one in a local hospital, therapy, or church group. It\'s often really helpful to be with others who\'ve gone through the same thing who will understand the pain that you are going through and who will be willing to listen and share their experiences with you and walk through the process together. It can make it a lot less lonely and you\'ll find that you can be support to them as they are to you, kind of like here, but in the flesh.
take care!
rayzemma