I saw the Hobbit, Desolation of Smaug.
It is a good movie tho it is not a perfect translation of the book.
But it is the day after my last big blow up at my brother and I find I feel worse today than yesterday. I keep dwelling on how my brother seems completely lost to me and oblivious of how he makes me feel. I'll never be able to tell him or show him what it is. He won't listen and I can't keep myself calm around him because of the way he talks to me.
I have tried to maintain my anxiety around him and hostility towards him due to how he has treated me and even defend him to others and try and help him but I think I have to finally give up and realize that until he is willing to own responsibility and realize that he causes the bad feelings towards him by his own actions he will never be able to change.
This last argument, my blow up, showed me how little he cares or listens. I do not know why I had not realized that he is unable to actually have a real argument, a discussion or hold a point and come to a conclusion but only looks to win and find fault in who ever it is that disagrees with him. He thinks that being good at arguing with others is to make them look weaker in what they are saying or wrong, to find error. Tho pointing out this fault in a person's argument is useful it does not actually show your own point of view or allow you to hear the other's point and try and come to a conclusion about it. To him if he finds any fault in a sentence you may use then your whole point is proven wrong and so he is right and wins.
With this kind of opponent in an argument, there is no way to ever get your side of the real problem being discussed across to them. he will never understand or even hear what I am trying to say to him since he is only listening for a mistake in wording used or try and find some type counter in what I say even if the counter is not about the same thing.
I can actually make a coherent argument if people listen and easily admit when I am wrong should they show me where I am wrong but he does not even hear the argument only the words he wants and then tries and finds a mistake or fault in what you are saying not in the actual point you are making. Even when I admit to a mistake and try to go to something else to try and say to him he still looks to demean and is condescending and looking for more fault dealing with what I say not what I am trying to get to for him to understand. It is only finding fault and showing how the other person is wrong that is important to him so that he can feel right or superior. And to him anything or anyone that disagrees with him is automatically wrong. There has been a few times that he has admitted that something I said or told him was right but it comes after he tries it finally or talks to someone else and not after he automatically tries to find fault in me or argues that it is wrong.
his arguments seem to always fall back to very childish ones like when you are kids, "do whatI say or I'll knock you out," "huh uh, you are not me," "I'm not the one that is angry (stupid, not listening, interrupting, whatever), you are" or "your wrong because I say so," He doesn't try to prove his side only tries to find fault in yours. and there is a lot of, "you said before..." taken from a completely different context to show how what I am saying is not consistent. It is so frustrating and this is another reason I can't maintain myself and blow up on him. It is even difficult to describe it or explain it his argument style is so inconsistent and changes from point to point. minute by minute, based on whatever fault he finds in me from sentence to sentence even interrupting in the middle of a sentence to point out how I'm saying something that he thinks is wrong or disagrees with something I said before.
I need to give up even trying it is not worth it anymore to me. I can't take the anxiety or the frustration and he is not going to ever change based on anything I say. It is hard for him to listen to me once I get all anxious and excited and start to raise my voice as well but this would not happen if he wasn't playing a game of intimidation and gotcha and actually had a meaningful discussion with me.
As it was yesterday I wish I had had the control to not have said anything or stopped myself after the first words he barked at me. As soon as I raised my voice from anxiety and excitement about what I was saying, he never gave it even the slightest chance fo learning anything or find out what my problem might have been he just snapped at me, "Don't raise your voice to me." I didn't even think about what I had said to get him to bark I went right into irritated defensive and hostile mode because I was tired of how he treats me and his inconsideration and selfish motivations. He wasn't listening to me, caring why I was troubled by something or even interested only out of curiosity why I was raising my voice, he only heard someone confronting him, arguing or attacking him, disagreeing with whatever thoughts he might have been having and so barked out an order which he expected to be followed.
And this is the crux of it. He barked out an order. He did not show any sign or consideration, caring, worry or even curiosity. Even finding it funny and laughing would have been better than to snap at me like I was a dog that had got up on the couch. The uncaring, inconsiderate and hostile way in which he did it is what set me off and there was no possibility of actual meaningful discourse after that. And when I did not snap to his order following it perfectly, he used intimidation and threats of violence, a childish, callous, more inconsiderate, rude and arrogant posture. This is what really set me off.
If he had only had a little consideration or care for me or even curiosity he could have instead asked, "Why are you raising your voice?" or "What's wrong? you seem to be getting upset about something." But no, that is not in him. He has no consideration of others, no real caring about me or how I feel or what I may be going thru. It is all about him and what he thinks or wants.
And so finally coming to this conclusion, tho having thought about it before but hoped or maybe felt that it may not be entirely true, I am going to stop defending, helping trying to communicate or show him my side. It is time to put him off, shake him from me and stay away from him and stop being his doormat. I'll no longer do things for him or let him slide on things. He is on his own to succeed or fail and it is all his won doing with out any help or hindrance form me. I can't even get him to listen when I'm trying to help him and give him advise let alone change his bad habits or get him to understand that people treat him like he is bad because he is doing things they think are bad. I had though as his brother i should help but I have tried and I can't any more. I'll never understand why he is the way he is or be able to get him to understand why I am the way I am so It needs to come to an end. He will be brother in legality only and I will have as little to do with him as I can.
This is the only way to maintain my sanity. He does make me act crazy. I get so sad, irritated and frustrated dealing with him and sometimes a little angry. And this makes me anxious.
I hope writing this becomes my declaration of dissolution from the ties to my brother that have caused me such stress and I can keep myself from engaging him the next time we may need to come together because I am no longer going to care what happens to him or what he thinks of me or try to help him or make him understand.
Outside of this trouble,problem, irrational hang up I have with my brother, my life is pretty good. It could be better but I am not feeling bad about anything. I want to get in shape, need to exercise more and eat a little better and I would feel much better I think. Mainly I have to stop dwelling on the problems and think of what is nice and going well. Writing helps to purge it form me. It is as if I am telling someone my problems and they are sharing them and so having them spread amongst others it makes them smaller.
thank you, anyone reading and showing any sympathy or even sending some kind of peace to help me. Even tho I never see or hear from you, knowing these words could be read helps ease the problems inmy mind.
Peace.
But it is the day after my last big blow up at my brother and I find I feel worse today than yesterday. I keep dwelling on how my brother seems completely lost to me and oblivious of how he makes me feel. I'll never be able to tell him or show him what it is. He won't listen and I can't keep myself calm around him because of the way he talks to me.
I have tried to maintain my anxiety around him and hostility towards him due to how he has treated me and even defend him to others and try and help him but I think I have to finally give up and realize that until he is willing to own responsibility and realize that he causes the bad feelings towards him by his own actions he will never be able to change.
This last argument, my blow up, showed me how little he cares or listens. I do not know why I had not realized that he is unable to actually have a real argument, a discussion or hold a point and come to a conclusion but only looks to win and find fault in who ever it is that disagrees with him. He thinks that being good at arguing with others is to make them look weaker in what they are saying or wrong, to find error. Tho pointing out this fault in a person's argument is useful it does not actually show your own point of view or allow you to hear the other's point and try and come to a conclusion about it. To him if he finds any fault in a sentence you may use then your whole point is proven wrong and so he is right and wins.
With this kind of opponent in an argument, there is no way to ever get your side of the real problem being discussed across to them. he will never understand or even hear what I am trying to say to him since he is only listening for a mistake in wording used or try and find some type counter in what I say even if the counter is not about the same thing.
I can actually make a coherent argument if people listen and easily admit when I am wrong should they show me where I am wrong but he does not even hear the argument only the words he wants and then tries and finds a mistake or fault in what you are saying not in the actual point you are making. Even when I admit to a mistake and try to go to something else to try and say to him he still looks to demean and is condescending and looking for more fault dealing with what I say not what I am trying to get to for him to understand. It is only finding fault and showing how the other person is wrong that is important to him so that he can feel right or superior. And to him anything or anyone that disagrees with him is automatically wrong. There has been a few times that he has admitted that something I said or told him was right but it comes after he tries it finally or talks to someone else and not after he automatically tries to find fault in me or argues that it is wrong.
his arguments seem to always fall back to very childish ones like when you are kids, "do whatI say or I'll knock you out," "huh uh, you are not me," "I'm not the one that is angry (stupid, not listening, interrupting, whatever), you are" or "your wrong because I say so," He doesn't try to prove his side only tries to find fault in yours. and there is a lot of, "you said before..." taken from a completely different context to show how what I am saying is not consistent. It is so frustrating and this is another reason I can't maintain myself and blow up on him. It is even difficult to describe it or explain it his argument style is so inconsistent and changes from point to point. minute by minute, based on whatever fault he finds in me from sentence to sentence even interrupting in the middle of a sentence to point out how I'm saying something that he thinks is wrong or disagrees with something I said before.
I need to give up even trying it is not worth it anymore to me. I can't take the anxiety or the frustration and he is not going to ever change based on anything I say. It is hard for him to listen to me once I get all anxious and excited and start to raise my voice as well but this would not happen if he wasn't playing a game of intimidation and gotcha and actually had a meaningful discussion with me.
As it was yesterday I wish I had had the control to not have said anything or stopped myself after the first words he barked at me. As soon as I raised my voice from anxiety and excitement about what I was saying, he never gave it even the slightest chance fo learning anything or find out what my problem might have been he just snapped at me, "Don't raise your voice to me." I didn't even think about what I had said to get him to bark I went right into irritated defensive and hostile mode because I was tired of how he treats me and his inconsideration and selfish motivations. He wasn't listening to me, caring why I was troubled by something or even interested only out of curiosity why I was raising my voice, he only heard someone confronting him, arguing or attacking him, disagreeing with whatever thoughts he might have been having and so barked out an order which he expected to be followed.
And this is the crux of it. He barked out an order. He did not show any sign or consideration, caring, worry or even curiosity. Even finding it funny and laughing would have been better than to snap at me like I was a dog that had got up on the couch. The uncaring, inconsiderate and hostile way in which he did it is what set me off and there was no possibility of actual meaningful discourse after that. And when I did not snap to his order following it perfectly, he used intimidation and threats of violence, a childish, callous, more inconsiderate, rude and arrogant posture. This is what really set me off.
If he had only had a little consideration or care for me or even curiosity he could have instead asked, "Why are you raising your voice?" or "What's wrong? you seem to be getting upset about something." But no, that is not in him. He has no consideration of others, no real caring about me or how I feel or what I may be going thru. It is all about him and what he thinks or wants.
And so finally coming to this conclusion, tho having thought about it before but hoped or maybe felt that it may not be entirely true, I am going to stop defending, helping trying to communicate or show him my side. It is time to put him off, shake him from me and stay away from him and stop being his doormat. I'll no longer do things for him or let him slide on things. He is on his own to succeed or fail and it is all his won doing with out any help or hindrance form me. I can't even get him to listen when I'm trying to help him and give him advise let alone change his bad habits or get him to understand that people treat him like he is bad because he is doing things they think are bad. I had though as his brother i should help but I have tried and I can't any more. I'll never understand why he is the way he is or be able to get him to understand why I am the way I am so It needs to come to an end. He will be brother in legality only and I will have as little to do with him as I can.
This is the only way to maintain my sanity. He does make me act crazy. I get so sad, irritated and frustrated dealing with him and sometimes a little angry. And this makes me anxious.
I hope writing this becomes my declaration of dissolution from the ties to my brother that have caused me such stress and I can keep myself from engaging him the next time we may need to come together because I am no longer going to care what happens to him or what he thinks of me or try to help him or make him understand.
Outside of this trouble,problem, irrational hang up I have with my brother, my life is pretty good. It could be better but I am not feeling bad about anything. I want to get in shape, need to exercise more and eat a little better and I would feel much better I think. Mainly I have to stop dwelling on the problems and think of what is nice and going well. Writing helps to purge it form me. It is as if I am telling someone my problems and they are sharing them and so having them spread amongst others it makes them smaller.
thank you, anyone reading and showing any sympathy or even sending some kind of peace to help me. Even tho I never see or hear from you, knowing these words could be read helps ease the problems inmy mind.
Peace.
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