I really want it to end

I hate life, my life and life in general. I see horror all around me. People doing things that make me sick to my stomach. And they all get along just fine. It makes  me feel like I am hallucinating. The things that have happened to me, and are still happening, can't be real. None of it makes any sense.
I want to believe that I don't live alone. I want to believe that I live with someone who loves me and takes care of me. Someone who would notice if I didn't make it home from work. I want to believe that. Every day I get home and slide my key in the lock, open the door, and find - No One. I stand in the living room and look around and wonder "How can this be"? Every single fucking day I do this.
I've tried everything I know to get someone to love me. I was told if I got on medication it would make it "easier" for some one to love me. I wanted to be loved unconditionally, but my self esteem was so low that I agreed to try medication in order to get even that conditional love. But even that didn't work. I still live alone.
I want to end my life so badly, and it is very scary, but the pain I live with is excruciating. I feel like I am being held on a rack and tortured, but the world still expects me to go to work and pay the rent. I am human. I will break. Soon.