I really need to talk to someone
I should probably follow through by calling that therapist my Psychiatrist recommended.
I have some ideas today that I really just want to vent about.
I went to work and my whole disposition seemed to change last night which lead to this morning.
It happens to me quite a lot
but keep on keeping on is important and helps me stay well enough to make it through the day.
I don't know why but I struggled with my humanity today. I think we all struggle with our humanity at times
I thought and that thought at the time made me feel less pressure to be absolutely 'right' or 'in the right' all the time.
It made me feel for others and see others struggling too - it gave me mental and spiritual space to go along
and do my work.
Now that I am at home, I have found my energies winding up - like an appetite within. I had my routine things
that I do when I get home. Get changed, put my clothes away - make lunch and pop the TV on - and sit in front of my computer.
Slowly but surely - just relaxing wasn't enough. No idea about what would satisfy came to mind..I wondered how other people 'handle' their free time. I don't know why
it pains me to think of and go for what I would like to do. It's like I don't want to move outside the safety of my home.
But I went out and got a package that was being held for me at the Leasing Office of my apartment. It was freezing and rainy.
Now I am just sitting at home - and my mind is roiling with yearning. It's like nothing is satisfying and maybe I am just too insecure (?)to make a venture to do something that is of my own volition/creation. I don't know. I should probably talk to the therapist - or at the very least look for one so that I can talk to someone.
I do need to go to the post office and mail some Christmas cards. Then tonight I am going to a book signing thing at 7p.
I think I'll take a nap before going to the post office. Does anyone get this way as well??? Life would probably be better if I made the space within me to have someone I share time with in person..where we could talk about our days and relate and do things in terms of each other.
I'll breath a bit and calm down. Sending peace and good vibes out there!!
Mark
Replies
I have a very simple and quiet life now Marky..... I used to struggle with I should be doing more and I would beat myself up a lot however now I accept it for what it is....
I find peace in the quietness …. I tend to isolate as well.... I do think it's good to push ourselves at times for sure but not to beat yourself up.... I don't think that helps sweetie and I don't believe for a moment that you deserve it
Good for you getting out to the book signing.... What book is it if you don't mind my asking..... Big squishy hug.....xo
Thanks so much Jan. It's a cookbook my Stepmom has written - and so we as a family are all gathering to support her.
I will send you a link to the book!
A perk of aging is that I go through the daily doubts and questioning far less often. I'm down to 3 fits of discontent a day. Now to get my physical appetite so steady.
Sigh. . .
Among the too many names I have been called is, "A Questioner." Within that gentle context, the fits of discontent seem as natural as muscle cramps are to a marathon runner. Don't cure ^it^. Train ^it^ and learn how to do ^it^ well.
May I call you, "A fellow Questioner?"
Yay you for being part of a family support team. Teamwork rocks!!!
yes I guess I am "A fellow Questioner!". Thanks!!
That's nice that your family is all going out to support your stepmother.
I have to agree with Jan. I'm pretty content now too. I worry so much less now than I did when I was younger. I used to worry that I wasn't doing enough important stuff with my life and that God would be disappointed with me. Now I just know He loves me as I am and accepts me completely. He just wants me to love Him and mankind.
Talking to a tdoc is a good idea. I see mine every few months or so now. I used to go weekly when I needed it though.
thanks becky!