I really need to be careful

My hope inspires me to think I'm getting healthier, my illness rears its head and destroys what I've achieved in my relationships outside of the community here. I find people can't take me in normal life or maybe those who I meet who do or can are few and far between. Maybe thats normal life? Those are friends! I've been thinking about leaving the monastery but while ruminating about this I know I've got to stay close to the Abbess. She understands me (and my variability) and protects me. Many of the others here are not like that. I do feel backed into a corner. Lessons of life.