I really hate being so lonely
Since I have been unemployed, I have been home alone, all day, every day. I am trying to keep busy doing projects but I am going batty. I find myself going out, shopping, just to get out, to see other people. I have been contacting some organizations to do some volunteer work. And, I know that will help me. But for now, I am going crazy. I hate this. I was thinking if my honey should just walk in right now, what would I say? I thought I would be so happy to see him, I would cry. I would ask him how is he, where has he been, why did he leave me, what did he do, what can he tell me, hold me, hold me tight, never let me go, I missed you so much, I love you so much, it has been so horrible for me since you left. I miss you, your kids have been horrible to me, you left me in such a mess, why did you leave, plesase listen to me from now on, the cats are here, I had to take them back, but I will get rid of them, if you will stay, look at what I did in the house, do you like it, I miss you. Please hold me, never let me go, never let me go. Just hold me. Just hold me. Let me feel your face, let me kiss your face. Let me see your eyes, hear your voice, smell you, I miss you, hold me. Just hold me. Just hold me. Never let me go.
Replies
I understand your pain and I feel the same way. I just want to see him hold him and never let him go. I walk in the closet and hold his clothes and smell them trying to find his smell. I walk around the house talking to him and asking him to be near me to touch me so I know he is here. I love him and miss him so much and I ask the same questions why did he leave me. My daughter told me that he did not want to leave me but it was his time and the Lord called him and he had to leave. My 8 years old niece saw me sad and crying and she came up to me and said \"Tia Linda my Tio Carlos did not want to leave you but he had to go because he has other jobs to do\" You know he cried because he had to leave you but don\'t worry he will always be near you and take care of you\" This really suprised me and then she also said that people die because they need to make space so other can be born (I thought that was so cute\" She always comes and hugs me and tell me he is near me and not to be said because he will always be near. I miss him so much that it is hard for me to imagine a life without him. My kids had a problem between them however it seems to be working out and hopefully they put their differences aside and learn to cope with this pain. I think we are all hurting and are just angry and do not know how to handle all this pain. Life just dished out it ugly face which is death. It is the most awful word and the most painful experience. I love my husband and I have so much questions as to what happen and why did he die. Why did he not fight for his life? I love him and want him here with me.
Oh Rachel. I am so with you. I miss Scott so very very much. It is unbearable and I find excuses to go run errands, or be outside or just somewhere else.
I have been reluctant to work at home during the week, something I used to enjoy and something I did last year so I could take Scott for treatment, therapy, etc. Now, I am here alone with memories and empty wishes. I dont understand and just want him back so badly.
susan