i really don't know what to do

i'm in a friends with benefits situation.  i really love the guy.  he cares 4 me.  he's a real sweet heart.  unfortunately we do't want the same things.  he's on this new journey to get in tocuh with his new self.  i'm good with who i am pretty much. one of the things that seems to elude me is a partner; a relationship and this particular belonging is somthing that i want.  and i do not have it with this man whom i care 4 so much.  i thought or hoped....yeah i didn't really think it would be anything other that waht it is.  i thought i'd be ok with it.  i'm trying to go with the floe.  i desperately want things to grow orghanically inmto whatever they r to be. 

apparently organically there is someoneting about me that attracts not quite what i want.  this is a real connection and i thought therefore it would be dif 4 me? alas it isnt.  i still want what i want...to be chosen 4 in a real way. more and more im feeling like an afterthought with this man.  that everything else is more important thatn me.  that's a bit of an exagerration.  what we feel 4 each other and our level of importance just isnt at the same place. it really hurts.  because i dont really have any hope that if i walk away from this that it will be replaced with anything else. 

i don't understand y i couldnt meet someone even while with him.  doesn't seem to be a prob 4 other people.  i don't wanna get married.  i'm open to more partners even if not actively looking....but it's just something that was awonderful place of peace is becomeing a stresser. i fear that truly being alone is my place.