I never knew

I didn't know what was wrong with me but at a very young age I felt something was broken inside. Now I am diagnosed bipolar and the implications are larger than I could have known. This illness has affected my whole life in a very negative way. And all I can do now is try different medications to try to feel a little bit better. I miss the mania in some ways. Now I barely feel anything at all, and have no interest in anything either. I feel dead inside and even so I'd say in some ways it's better than how I was. What a waste of a life.