I need to write this: burnout, mania, fumbling, self responsibility

we all make mistakes. sometimes we forget that we are prone to them

but we need to accept it.

I woke up this morning a little later than usual. I had big plans though for

the chores and errands I knew I would do today.

I decided not to go for a morning hike. I wanted to keep my energy up for

all that I had to do...good call on my part! :) 

I got online and paid a major bill.

I then took a shower and went to the Supermarket and got the items I needed

for the house. I realized I needed to use my credit card all day today as the funds

for keeping the 'cupboards full' was not yet in my bank account.

So I went to the supermarket.
Then came home and put everything away.

I then balanced my ledger and then went to the Trader Joe's for the major grocery shopping

for the week, as well as stopped by the gas station to fill 'er up.

I came home and put everything away.
I had a snack and then went to the carwash, then went to the Petsmart, then went to the 

Costco and then went to the Barnes & Noble.

I came home and put everything away.

I made lunch and wrote all things down in the ledger.

I then started to make phone calls for the 'inconsistency' on one of my bills

and then also simultaneously was making purchases for two family birthdays coming

in November. I had the receipts and I like to email myself the receipts to keep

track of things...and for some reason today I was so stressed and tired and in a flow of things

I didn't realize that I sent the receipt to the birthday girl.

I fucked up. My old sister said "we all do things like that" , which was so helpful! :) 

But still I felt like I couldn't catch up to myself, I felt too tired and electric, to do much more.

But I eventually cleaned the dishes, set out the medicines, set out the water by the bed(One glass for me,

one glass for Blue - he loves water there) and then cleaned the kitty litter. Then I went to the mailbox

and got the mail - there was a bill that I had to question and so I called their billing offices.

I finally got ready for shutting down by reconciling the ledger and making a list of 'to do's' for the week 

ahead. I brushed my teeth and got ready for bed and I just felt mania and too immobilized to do 

anything. I was very very grateful for remembering my routines. When we live at a random and what seems spontaneous fast pace..remembering those routines and rituals in your daily life bring you some sense

of something to rely on as well as support you enough to lessen the burdens...It's nearly like using a walking cane.

I'd been approaching writing something about this but I couldn't - I thought to reach out

to a friend or a family member - but as I was keenly aware of this today and yesterday - we are all stressed

and life is demanding and so we need not to give up but keep at it. My final recourse was to be self responsible.

I reached for some inner resources to be self responsible for my feelings I was having and I knew that this place

is the place where I could because we write about things like this. It felt like I had an ultimatum

about it today- and I just knew that I needed to write this. Can you identify with going like gangbusters

and then splintering and making mistakes? I may be fumbling but I'm super glad I've regained

posession of the ball. Now for the sprint to the goal line. Time for bed.. :) Tomorrow it all starts again! :)xx