I need to do this....

Everything has been off lately. I can't seem to function. I can't eat, or sleep, or get out if bed. I want to die. The suicidal thoughts creep constantly in my head, and with 2 attempts under me already, it scares me. I woke up this morning with absolutely no will to live. I called my boyfriend, even though technically were on a break. His gramps died so he asked for some space. But he said if it was an emergency it was okay to call. I thought it was. He called me inconsiderate, told me to stop hassling him, and hung up before I could even explain the reason why I called. For the first time since 2009, I branded myself. 2 brand-new bright scars for bathing suit season. Desperate, I googled. I found a suicide hotline and called. Best thing I've ever done. For the first time, I was wasn't rediculed or told I shouldn't talk or feel that way. My angel on the line calmed me down, talked with me about life, then helped me find some local places to call. I am calling in the morning. I promised myself. I hope I stick to it.