I need some advice
I have a brother in law who has been acting in a very annoying way toward me for the past couple of years. It is getting to the point that I can't even stand being anywhere near him. It is a problem because now I feel like staying away from family gatherings if I suspect he will be there.
Last night I planned to go to a family birthday party but after I found out he would be there I decided to stay home. I've known him for almost 30 years but for the last 5 or 6 years he has been forcing "male bonding" onto me and i am not into that nor do I have any interest in that. He's not gay, he's married to my wife's sister but over the last couple of years he was getting way to affectionate toward me at family gatherings. He couldn't keep his hands off of me whenever he talked to me. He kept saying overly affectionate things like "I love you bro and I'm here for you" which made me feel a little sick to my stomach. The bad part was that I just tried to ignore him and not reapond to any of it but it backfired and it seemed that he just tried harder and poured it on more.
About a year ago I sent him a message and I asked him to keep his hands off of me and to stop telling me that he loves me because it makes me feel uncomfortable. He called me the same day and told me that he is not gay and I told him that I didn't say he was.
Now I still have the same problem with him. He has only changed his behavior toward me in a small way but I'm getting so sick of it that I don't know what to do. I went to two family gatherings in the passed couple of months. At the first one he did keep his hands off of me while he spoke to me as far as he didn't massage my back while he spoke to me like he did in the past but he kept constantly poking me while he was talking to me which was making me angry. He kept trying to talk me into things that I told him I didn't want to do. He wanted me to spend the weekend with him. He wanted me to go behind the house to smoke a joint. He kept trying to talk me into playing darts, I kept saying no so at one point he grabbed my wrist and started to drag me toward the garage where the dart board was. I jerked my arm back.
At the last party it was kind of the same thing. He sat next to me and said, "I know you don't want me to talk to you." But he did any way. He kept following me around and pressuring me. Later he said "I know you don't like me" Other things like that happened throughout the evening.
I felt bad about staying home alone last night just so that I could avoid one person out of about 40 who were going to be at that party
Have any of you been pressured by someone who wants you to be their best friend although that person has always made you feel uncomfortable? We used to have a normal brother in law type relationship and for the last 24 years that I've been married, I never had a problem with him forcing himself on me until the last four or five years. Now I cannot stand the guy any longer! What should I do? I don't want to hurt his feelings but my wife says I should go ahead, tell him like it is and don't worry about his feelings.
Last night I planned to go to a family birthday party but after I found out he would be there I decided to stay home. I've known him for almost 30 years but for the last 5 or 6 years he has been forcing "male bonding" onto me and i am not into that nor do I have any interest in that. He's not gay, he's married to my wife's sister but over the last couple of years he was getting way to affectionate toward me at family gatherings. He couldn't keep his hands off of me whenever he talked to me. He kept saying overly affectionate things like "I love you bro and I'm here for you" which made me feel a little sick to my stomach. The bad part was that I just tried to ignore him and not reapond to any of it but it backfired and it seemed that he just tried harder and poured it on more.
About a year ago I sent him a message and I asked him to keep his hands off of me and to stop telling me that he loves me because it makes me feel uncomfortable. He called me the same day and told me that he is not gay and I told him that I didn't say he was.
Now I still have the same problem with him. He has only changed his behavior toward me in a small way but I'm getting so sick of it that I don't know what to do. I went to two family gatherings in the passed couple of months. At the first one he did keep his hands off of me while he spoke to me as far as he didn't massage my back while he spoke to me like he did in the past but he kept constantly poking me while he was talking to me which was making me angry. He kept trying to talk me into things that I told him I didn't want to do. He wanted me to spend the weekend with him. He wanted me to go behind the house to smoke a joint. He kept trying to talk me into playing darts, I kept saying no so at one point he grabbed my wrist and started to drag me toward the garage where the dart board was. I jerked my arm back.
At the last party it was kind of the same thing. He sat next to me and said, "I know you don't want me to talk to you." But he did any way. He kept following me around and pressuring me. Later he said "I know you don't like me" Other things like that happened throughout the evening.
I felt bad about staying home alone last night just so that I could avoid one person out of about 40 who were going to be at that party
Have any of you been pressured by someone who wants you to be their best friend although that person has always made you feel uncomfortable? We used to have a normal brother in law type relationship and for the last 24 years that I've been married, I never had a problem with him forcing himself on me until the last four or five years. Now I cannot stand the guy any longer! What should I do? I don't want to hurt his feelings but my wife says I should go ahead, tell him like it is and don't worry about his feelings.
Replies
Sorry you\'re having problems with this guy. I hope you can figure out how to work it out so that you can go to family functions.