I Need Advice
So my little sister and I are having quite the heated argument. Around the edges of our daily life since we would both probably die if we went a week without talking to each other. She drives me bonkers, but I do love her.
Anyways, so here's the back story to our argument. It's long! Keep with me if you can!
About, oh, 30 months ago, my sister met this man named Rob. He was about five years older and had a wild streak. They 'dated' for about a month. On their last 'date' they went camping and he got drunk and hit her. A few times. Once in the face, twice in the stomach. She came home(she lived with me) and I saw her eye and I lost it. She talked me down, told me it was the end for them. He had only hit her that one time and it was when he was drunk, and she wasn't taking that risk again.
About a month later she found out she was preggo. Somehow when he hit her in the stomach she hadn't lost the baby. She called him to tell him and he called her all sorts of names and hung up. So she did the pregnancy and delivery(with me as a stand in!) without him.
After Julian was born Rob did a DNA test and sure enough, Julian was his. So he decided he wanted to see him on a regular basis. My sister told him that she wanted him to take a parenting class, attend AA and have 10 visits supervised(by her) before he was allowed to see Julian all alone. He flipped out and told Chantelle(my sis) that he didn't want to see Julian then until Julian was old enough to ask.
So Rob's mom, can't remember her name, so for now she RM. She wanted to see Julian and she would come to our house and visit them. Chantelle was fine with it and called her Grandma to Julian.
Then all of a sudden RM slapped Tilly with a visitation order stating that she got Julian unsupervised from 12 until 8pm every Sunday. Chantelle was furious, RM never even mentioned she was doing it. She had to get a seat and a playpen and babygate, and Rob was not allowed to see Julian during that time unless he also applied.
Now Chantelle was furious, and I get that, but now she calls RM 'that bitch' and 'that skank' and all these horrible names in front of Julian! She says 'oh that bitch who is NOT your grandma is here to get you, don't listen to a word out of her mouth'. Julian is 21 months, and he is starting to talk and understand. My sister doesn't swear around Julain AT ALL except for this. She doesn't even bad talk Rob to Julian like this.
I want to get it through her head that Julian is blood related to RM, RM is taking an interest in him, therefore, he is his grandma. She really has no say there. But she gets angry and says that she will teach Julian to call her by her first name, not grandma. She says such terrible things in front of Julian and I think it is so wrong!
My sister is only 22, and she still has some growing up to do, but I really want to get it into her that RM is grandma, before it does damage to Julian.
Anyone got any advice outside of hitting her in the side of a head with a golf shoe? Cuz that's looking like my next step.....
Anyways, so here's the back story to our argument. It's long! Keep with me if you can!
About, oh, 30 months ago, my sister met this man named Rob. He was about five years older and had a wild streak. They 'dated' for about a month. On their last 'date' they went camping and he got drunk and hit her. A few times. Once in the face, twice in the stomach. She came home(she lived with me) and I saw her eye and I lost it. She talked me down, told me it was the end for them. He had only hit her that one time and it was when he was drunk, and she wasn't taking that risk again.
About a month later she found out she was preggo. Somehow when he hit her in the stomach she hadn't lost the baby. She called him to tell him and he called her all sorts of names and hung up. So she did the pregnancy and delivery(with me as a stand in!) without him.
After Julian was born Rob did a DNA test and sure enough, Julian was his. So he decided he wanted to see him on a regular basis. My sister told him that she wanted him to take a parenting class, attend AA and have 10 visits supervised(by her) before he was allowed to see Julian all alone. He flipped out and told Chantelle(my sis) that he didn't want to see Julian then until Julian was old enough to ask.
So Rob's mom, can't remember her name, so for now she RM. She wanted to see Julian and she would come to our house and visit them. Chantelle was fine with it and called her Grandma to Julian.
Then all of a sudden RM slapped Tilly with a visitation order stating that she got Julian unsupervised from 12 until 8pm every Sunday. Chantelle was furious, RM never even mentioned she was doing it. She had to get a seat and a playpen and babygate, and Rob was not allowed to see Julian during that time unless he also applied.
Now Chantelle was furious, and I get that, but now she calls RM 'that bitch' and 'that skank' and all these horrible names in front of Julian! She says 'oh that bitch who is NOT your grandma is here to get you, don't listen to a word out of her mouth'. Julian is 21 months, and he is starting to talk and understand. My sister doesn't swear around Julain AT ALL except for this. She doesn't even bad talk Rob to Julian like this.
I want to get it through her head that Julian is blood related to RM, RM is taking an interest in him, therefore, he is his grandma. She really has no say there. But she gets angry and says that she will teach Julian to call her by her first name, not grandma. She says such terrible things in front of Julian and I think it is so wrong!
My sister is only 22, and she still has some growing up to do, but I really want to get it into her that RM is grandma, before it does damage to Julian.
Anyone got any advice outside of hitting her in the side of a head with a golf shoe? Cuz that's looking like my next step.....
Replies
I come from a split family myself. My parents were married but divorced while I was very young and let me tell you, the worst thing she can do is talk bad about the other person or the other person\'s family. It will do nothing but backfire in her face because the child will grow up knowing that mommy wasn\'t the bigger person and have nothing but confused feelings on why mommy was so mean to everyone. It makes her look bad.
I know that she\'s frustrated, I would be too but she needs to just handle herself better. The only thing you can say is that if she wants her son to call RM by her name then that\'s her choice (I wouldn\'t argue that because I\'d probably have my child do that too... anyone can be blood related it takes someone special to be family) but she needs to watch what she says around him. If for nothing else than for the fact that the courts can slap her with \"bad parenting\" if anyone ever fought her for custody of her child. It just doesn\'t look good.
You should try to have a heart to heart with her if you can. it sounds like she\'s really immature so good luck with that. Hopefully, you can get her to see reason that she needs to present herself as the best mom she can for her son and for the courts.
Good luck!