I Need a New Word
When I think of the word suicide I picture a person who wants to kill themselves due to depression or other problems. But what about the person who simply wants to go to Heaven. A person who enjoyed life before losing a spouse, but now finds life here intolerable. This person is not looking to pick up a gun and shoot themselves, they're hoping to go to sleep and wake up on the other side. This person, imho, is not suicidal, but there is no word in the English language to describe what they want.
I was thinking about that today when thoughts of being with God went through my mind again. Living on this planet means being alone, not having my husband, struggling to maintain a job, a living. It means struggling to pay the rent, to get alone with my father.
And Heaven...means utter happiness. It means being with my husband and everone I love on the other side. It means streets paved in gold, walking with Jesus, a world of love. There, my future is secure--no more worrying about falling and no one around to pick me up. No more worrying about coming home alone and the crime that seems to follow women.
So there's here and there's Heaven. The choice seems simple. But dare any of us tell our loved ones what we are thinking? Would they understand?
Since I've been a member of this group, I've noticed a number of people who've expressed the same thing. These statements are usually followed by 'I'm not suicidal." It's just too bad that we don't have a word that would explain what we really mean: We want to be happy again.
I was thinking about that today when thoughts of being with God went through my mind again. Living on this planet means being alone, not having my husband, struggling to maintain a job, a living. It means struggling to pay the rent, to get alone with my father.
And Heaven...means utter happiness. It means being with my husband and everone I love on the other side. It means streets paved in gold, walking with Jesus, a world of love. There, my future is secure--no more worrying about falling and no one around to pick me up. No more worrying about coming home alone and the crime that seems to follow women.
So there's here and there's Heaven. The choice seems simple. But dare any of us tell our loved ones what we are thinking? Would they understand?
Since I've been a member of this group, I've noticed a number of people who've expressed the same thing. These statements are usually followed by 'I'm not suicidal." It's just too bad that we don't have a word that would explain what we really mean: We want to be happy again.
Replies
So aptly stated. I feel the same way. My soul will not be complete until we are back together. There is a whole in my heart where happiness used to live.
((((HUGS))))
Karl
Correction, a hole in my heart (although my whole heart hurts too LOL)
I feel the same way that you do as well. I am still here, alive, breathing and living my life some how. We are just managing to survive it all. It is not wise to express these things to our loved ones. I long for the day to be with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and all my loved ones. Oh happy day that will be for us. Your friend on D.S. Diane Baillie
Agreed about the thoughts of just going to sleep and not waking up...........just reached the point the other day where I feel I do want to live, even though it is hard...........putting all my trust into God\'s will for my life...............but you\'re right, there should be a word for that feeling....and I am certain I will feel that again............up and down............
hugs
Lori
Many can relate to this. As friends would say words of comfort about Mike not being in pain any longer and now back to being who he really was..whole and healthy and basking in God\'s love....my reply was that I knew that...that\'s why I\'m upset....I\'m jealous. Instead of suicidal it\'s heaven envy. Funny enough in the daily inspiration book today was about how in heaven there will be no more tears...but now God has a reason and something for us to do if we are still here. Even if it\'s for you and others to post your heart to help others heal. Hugs, Diane
I have on occasion considered the prospect of dying. The first time was in Vietnam. Death lived there in the sixties and seventies. Another time I thought of dying was when I lost my primary career and felt I had disappointed my wife Janelle. The last time I thought of dying was recently when I lost Janelle to cancer. She had been my reason for living. I loved her madly, She was my inspiration to keep trying no matter how hard life got. Now she was cut down in the prime of her life, and taken from me. That was just a little over 10 months ago. I have a lonely heartache that sometimes mentions death to me again. But now there is no fear associated with it. I know beyond any doubt that Janelle is in heaven waiting on me. I am so anxious to see her again. I want to meet Jesus face to face and see what love that is willing to die for a world of sinners looks like.
But my going home must be in His time, not mine. Meanwhile I will try to live life in a way that honors God and Janelle. When I get to heaven, I want to hear God say; \"Well done thou good and faithful servant.\" And I want to hear Janelle say, \"Honey I am so proud of how you lived your life, welcome home.\" I hope you find the your answer. Maybe it is not one word similar to suicide you are looking for, maybe it is two words: Honorable Homecoming. God bless you with peace.
Eddie
I feel the same way. Everyday is such a struggle and I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up again. Heaven means peace and I so wish for peace. God bless you and all of us.
I think we are all feeling a little blue. I prayed for death after Jim died and even considered suicide but the thought of how very much my children would be hurt by another loss made me abandon that idea. Ten plus months into this hellish journey hasn\'t really made it that much easier but I keep trying. \"Living challenged\" is how I feel at the moment. Hope peace is close for all of us soon.
Hugs, Dianne
I understand how you feel too. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake next to my dear hubby in heaven. I miss him so and he was my world too. I don\'t want a new life here on earth I want the life I had. Only reason I just did not end my life is I have a 15 year old son who is so lost too without his Dad. If not for him I think it would be so easy to just get in bed and never get out. So hard for all of us. Will be so glad when we all get to be with those we love again.
praying we all find peace.
hugs,
Cie