I MISS SCOTT!!!
August 18: I miss Scotty so much! I have missed him since day one. But now, it seems even more intense. I guess this is what the third year has to offer. The longer he has been gone the greater my need to see him, talk to him. And I can't. Oh, I don't cry everyday, now. That is unless I am given the tiniest of reasons. But this ache in the pit of my stomach is sometimes almost unbearable. I am tired of the ache. I think part of the reason I feel all these things, right now, is all the back to school stuff. It makes me think of happier times, with all my sons, when we were shopping for supplies, clothes, shoes, etc. So, I am nostalgic, anyway. Maybe this intense feeling will pass. We got the DNA news. Adam is NOT the father! There was a 0% probability. We were 99.9% sure, anyway, due to a medical condition. But, you just never know.... We are so relieved. He is just not ready to be a father. I sure hope he learned a lesson from this scare! The weather here has been BLAH!!! Rain, rain, and more rain! The temperature has been like fall. I really would like to enjoy my pool a little bit more. This kind of weather is unusual for mid-August. Usually we are in the mid-ninties. I have been going to meetings all week, getting ready to go back to work. I will go to another on Friday, have a three day weekend, and return to the real deal, with the students, on August 25th. I really am not ready but feel very lucky to have a job. Craig is going back to his old work schedule, starting Monday. Five eight hour days vs four ten hour days. We are glad! The four days was great as far as having three days off in a row. But, there was no time for anything during those four days. He had about three hours from getting home until bedtime. It will be a bit more normal, now. Just heard severe storms are heading this way....maybe tornadic. Crazy, crazy, weather! So, life goes on.....
Replies
I know just how you feel about going back to school. I find after every term break now, and even sometimes on a Monday morning, I feel so depressed and weighted down by the thought of going back to work. I miss Frazer so much on those days, the getting ready to go back together, the chatting all the way to school and laughing together at jokes on the radio. It feels so empty now. Anyway, great news for Adam. I guess you had prepared yourself either way, but this seems like the best outcome. I\'m pleased Craig is happy with his new schedule. Good luck with the weather!!!! Hugs, Charlotte. xoxo
I guess somedays we resign ourselves to how life now is...and other days we cannot. I feel what you are saying about missing Scott...because if I allow myself I will go there quickly. I just try not to...sounds weird...but it is like a protective device...to make it through each day. I hope that you can enjoy the last days of summer. Take care and love to you...Karen
I so understand the ache that comes from missing them. It really hurts and some days it seems the tears can be triggered by just about anything. The weather here has been overcast the last few days and makes the pool just a little bit too cold for me. I would like a few really hot days so we can enjoy what is left of pool season, before fall gets here. I hope you get to use yours and enjoy the rest of summer. Hugs, Kim
Hi Ginger. On day 15 after Michael\'s death, a woman from Compassionate Friends told me that this would get much worse before ever better. She said I was in shock and it would last for quite some time. Then I was told that eventually the \"yearning\" would set in. And that it could be the worse of it all. So I can understand that year three is harder, since I am no where near the desperate yearning part yet. I am still in the disbelief part much of the time! I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my son will have been gone one whole year in November! I am glad for you and Adam and also pray that the mother to be figures this out for the best interest of the coming child. Hugs, Belinda
That ache is always there. Sometimes just a bit duller. I have to make myself just \"tuck\" it away. Like you, many things trigger so many memories and I think of my second son going to college next week and it brings back so many memories. A.J. passed right after the semester started and how he loved college. I\'m so sad thinking of the things he can\'t do now but we all miss that for our kids. Ginger, enjoy the last remaining time off and I hope the start of the school year goes smoothly. Love Robin
We\'ve had the irregular weather here too. Lots of rain and storms this Summer.
Glad to hear you won\'t be a grandmother anytime soon, I imagine that was pretty stressful for you. Intense is my middle name these days - trying very hard to pick up broken pieces of the past two years. Missing Shaun, and loving him more & more everyday. Perhaps once you are back to work - the distraction will be good and you\'ll feel better - I\'m so with you - it\'s been a long journey but here we are still standing - some how some way - we are doing it.
Love you.
I know how you miss your son,...Jamie\'s 2nd year just passed and that feeling in the pit of your stomach,...well, it comes with losing your child. I have one, too, and other moms have talked about it.
I also understand the back to school stuff!--Just a couple of weeks ago in Walmart I saw these Simpsons leisure pants and almost picked them up,...Jamie would have loved them! Always reason for new tears and sadness. Love, Judy
I\'m in that three year period too and I can relate. I often have just this dull ache and yearning. I\'m hoping it will pass as well. I know I miss him each day. I took his son school shopping and it was a surreal experience. Should have been John doing that. Hope the school year has started on an up note for you. Love and hugs Cathy