I miss my tribe
I'm ready to get back to the monastery. I love my family but my energy is running high this morning that I need to be humbled and reminded of the responsibilities I must have to carry on with daily life. In my mind I think I would feel much more confident and secure if I could support myself while being around my family. Right now I feel like a feckless kid. The idea of supporting myself has me thinking that is what would make me feel more secure.. It's all good, I miss my tribe.
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It’s been a really wonderful holiday..
In the process of thinking about how maybe I would feel more at ease if I could support myself or had a family of my own just like everyone else here I started to miss the tribe at the monastery. Rather than have my ego lead, I realized I go from one group of people I am responsible to, to another. Family, the monastery and the support group and friends it’s giving me a sense of calm, purpose and continuity.
again you remind me of a meditation reader i picked up from a used book store during the covidic era. "a course in miracles." while i mostly enjoy the meditations, i find myself bothered by the way they vilify the ego. they attack ego with a fervor some christians reserve for the devil. it turns out that "a course in miracles" is a ? ? ? christian subgroup? i've peeked in on their web presence, but have yet to get any further.
personally, i think of ego within the buddhist realm of monkey mind. good for a few spots of mischief, but not the best leader at my disposal. and, of course, my monkey mind changes for each of my proverbial tribes.
<3 thanks Arfie!!
It doesn’t make sense but I wonder at my sense of relationships. My friends are wonderful as is my family. ..and I’ve learned in depth acceptance for my flaws as well as theirs and can sort through just the humanity and diversity that comes up in myself too. I guess I am predicting fearful situations but I wonder how things would be if I brought someone home to them. I’d like to think I would be strong of character and have loyalty for both sides as well as create consensus.
Anyways these were just my nervous thoughts today. I went for a long walk and just distracted myself and the exercise was great. I think that for sure is going to be a tool to use in the future. I know also I wonder for something better a lot of the times.
Like some confirmation I am making a good choice. Thinking like that also creates an impossible blockade when I start to go for a target
I’m excited to get back, to the relationship though austere that I seem thrive and be consoled by.
It doesn’t make sense, perhaps I need a role model,
There are sacrifices with every choice of life. Aren’t I lucky to have been able to choose the monastery and it chose me.
Big hug Marky...I'm glad that a nice walk did you some good
It's not always easy staying in other people's homes for a while even when it's family and you love them
I hope that you can enjoy the rest of your stay sweetie until you make it back to your tribe
I do think it's good that you've gotten away for a few days though
You 'sound' a lot better!!!...xo
Thanks Janet!!
Sending hugs, Markus.
Thanks Nikki!
my brain fissures and tissures when i begin trying to define my relationships. more and more i believe the day to day living of any relationship, past, present, future, in my face or in a far off place, lives quite beyond the realm of words and definitions.
again i retreat to taking life at face value.
just make it up as you go along
'cause each day is a brand new song
Thanks Arfie!!