I miss him today.

He keeps trying so hard to get close to me again.  He just invited me to a family gathering, again.  I actually went with my son to one just last week.  I'm not really too sure why I felt compelled to go, but I'm glad I did.  It just made clear to me a few things.  #1...I'm doing the right thing #2 He hasn't really changed #3 I do miss him.  I find it hard to stay almost 'cold' ya know?  But I have to.  I love him that much.  I know he has a long journey ahead of him, but he first has to acknowledge that what he is doing is wrong.  I have a lump in my throat for the first time in a long time.  Believe it or not...I feel his pain.  He's reaching out to me, the only way he knows how and I think that's what hurts me so much.  I don't know exactly what it is I need to hear from him so I can feel he has some sort of REAL, GENUINE remorse for all the pain he's caused.  So I sit and type and pray.  I  Pray that the Lord take this burden from my heart right now because where I am weak...He is strong.  I am a woman In Love with an Addict and I may always feel this way...but the truth is... my husband may NEVER change and I ,will never be with him again.  If this be God's will...then Let it be done.  I will be still in the comfort of the Lord until he moves me elsewhere.  For now, I find comfort in my new found family at DS and in my life with my amazing son...and for that I am grateful.