I miss him

I miss him today.......I have run through "those memories" of when he left in my mind.......I was so lost, scared, enveloped by agony that can not be explained. I was insane, tortured by longing, stuck in the whys and what ifs. Sometimes I still am all of those. But not everyday. Today, I just miss him. I hope to have a good dream about him, see his smile, smell his skin, hear him say "momma". When i do dream of him, it hurts, it's scary, I'm always fighting time or fighting something as I reach for him. Sometimes, in my dreams, I'm even scared of him. I want a good one, even if just one so that I can remember and so I can have another memory......does that make sence?My grandpa died today. i cried a little.......but death doesn't bring me to my knees anymore. I know where my grandpa went, I know now that death is inevitable....one day, we will all meet our last breath on earth. But, I will always wish for one more day, one more chanse with those that go. Especially with Levi......especially and always will i yearn for one more of it all with my Levi. Oh.......I miss him.