I may worry but focus on the team

I wrote some crazy things last night. 
This morning I'm kind of bewildered about it and embarrassed.

i find myself keenly aware of what I need to feel secure in my life. Usually it's just a knee jerk impulse to go with what I'm feeling. No self awareness for both sides of reality ('separate and responsible' and 'together and supportive' and caring.) I feel logical about it. I need so many details to be in order because that is my own lacking from my development. I'm kind of in trouble because I need to make money but I'm really challenged when it comes to business relationships. I've learned to be loyal and hard working and very grateful for the great gift that a job is.

Again right now I know I need money. I've had a year of profligate spending and I need to redouble the effort to take care of preparing for my future.

I feel separate and individual and yet we're a team too. I get lost in it but god willing I will manage this too.

I'm reminded of when I moved to San Francisco right after college. I felt such anxiety and such a blank slate mind at that time, I had no idea what I was doing. To block out the world I would lay on the futon with PBS on the tv, in this big beautiful city, I had no idea of the process or even ability to identify that I was anxious and that my was mind blown because of it.

Anyways, self responsibility and interdependence is coming to mind.

I'll focus on that.