I’m trying not to panic...
Just a quick note- From here on out I will be referring to my guy as “A” I don’t like to call him inmate or BF because he’s much more than that!
Anyway, moving on. As my first post says A and I have been together since last April, we are quickly approaching our one year mark and I’m so excited! Although we are states and miles apart, our connection is so strong and true, when I met him in August of last year I just had reconfirmation of that fact.
Despite all the rules, stipulations and distance, we work as a very well oiled machine. As you know in a situation like this; communication is everything and we do it so well! We practically have a sched and I KNOW when I’m going to hear from him.
So last week Sunday he told me that there was some drama goin on but he of course couldn’t tell me about it, he said he was just trying to keep to himself but if I didn’t hear from him then to just write him. We talked as we normally do that Sunday night, Monday, Tuesday and even Wednesday. But Wednesday was the last time I’ve heard from him. It’s almost been a week now, and if I’m being honest, I’m starting to freak the F out! I miss him of course, but man the worry I feel is so intense. I just wish I knew what happened and if he’s ok or if he’s hurt you know? Waiting to hear from him is AGONY! And I feel so damn helpless.
The internet is great though because I checked on the bov gov website and was able to use the inmate locater— I didn’t know anything so I assumed the worst but the locater tells me that he’s still in the same place, but they moved him to diff housing, I don’t know why but at least I know where he is now. Then I called up there to see if he was available for visits over the weekend but they said no. That was a little concerning because what the hell does that mean!? They didn’t want to elaborate and just said that he would be able to have visitors on Monday (today. I wish I could visit him.... but I can’t! :(
I don’t know what to think though, clearly something happened that wasn’t good. But I just don’t know what! I STILL haven’t heard from him either and it’s killing me! I’m trying not to panic but I hate not knowing if he’s ok...I wrote him and will put in the mail today so hopefully he will get that soon. I’m trying not to worry and freak out but it’s getting harder everyday. I just don’t know what to think. :-/
I guess I will just try to continue to patiently wait.
~M
Replies
M, I know exactly what that feels like. It's not nice.
Not knowing is the worst but seeing that they've allowed visiting again is a good sign.
Hang in there hun.
Awww....yeah that's a terrible feeling :(
Something gotta shake soon. Hopefully you'll hear fro him soon. I know its easier said than done but TRY and think positive thoughts! Keep ya head up boo!
Ugh thanks ladies! It really is such a terrible feeling! I’m so worried abt him I can’t sleep! :( idk if he’s ok if he’s hurt or anything, not to mention how he is doing emotionally and mentally...I just wanna be there for him but I can’t. This is the longest we’ve gone without talking ever in a almost a YEAR.
And I thought that because he would be able to visit on Monday was a good sign too, but I didn’t call to make sure that he still was, but I’m guessing he’s not or else I would’ve heard from him by now. It’s officially been a week since I last heard from him. I hope to hear something soon.
I’m trying to stay strong but it’s getting to me...
Geez...K warned me about days like that. Hasn't happened to us yet but I dread the day. I worry if 3 days pass with no word. A week? Uggh. I feel for you.
Are you his primary contact? Is there any way you can call just to see if they're on lock down, the shu or if he's in medical?
They've gotta give you some kind of information.
Yeah he warned me too, but he didn’t tell me what I was supposed to do IF it happened you know? Even when we were fighting we went only one day not talking and that was agony. And even when they’re on lockdown he still hits me up the next day.
And no I’m not his primary contact we talked abt making me his but it never happened ugh. When I did call on Friday to ask abt the weekend visits that’s when they told me he wasn’t available for visits until that coming Monday. Which told he’s in trouble or in the shu when asked if he could tell me more he said now. :( I’m thinking of calling again but like idk how to ask or who I need to speak to to get that info he didn’t even ask for my name....
Call again. Ask about him. If they don't give you any info then I'd ask for his case manager or unit manager.
If he's in the shu, he's safe and I wouldn't worry. He'll just do his bit there and then contact you. It's not knowing that's the worst. He probably had to defend himself which was no fault of his own.
It's so not fair. Don't the guards know that it's not only him who suffers but his loved ones do too? The least they can do is tell you if he's alright.
Deep breaths girl.
Hello I'm in the FOP group and have seen your posts; I just wanted to add my 2 cents in since I'm probably one of the only ones who's been at this for a long time with my hubz to be. He's been in 6yrs and we have 10 to go.
As far as worrying, you've got to keep yourself busy or you're going to keep driving yourself bat sh*t crazy and that's not good for either one of you. I don't know if you have kid(s) and/or a job but definitely focus on those things! Get some hobbies too! Trust me I've come a VERY long way because I'd always be pulling my hair out if I didn't get my weekly letter, plus having MDD/GAD doesn't help since usually my anxiety is always high.
As far as calling the prison, DO NOT call them because that only makes it worse for him. The only time they'll really give you information is unfortunately you have to really be next of kin ie. sister/mother and wife, not gf/fiance but actually married. Yes it sucks but unfortunately that's another "lovely" thing of having to deal with. He sent me the phone list paper copy and by my name it said relationship "friend" and I asked him why and he said because yes we're engaged but to them it doesn't matter. I'm speaking the truth here because like I said I'm 6 years into this.
You always have to remember that he has absolutely no control over anything in there. I'm sure if he's anything like mine he'd call/write/email everyday, but there are going to be times when the whole prison is on lockdown for one dumb a$$ thing or another, meaning he can't do anything but twiddle his thumbs until they lift it. This past Valentine's Day my hubz to be's facility was on lockdown. He called the next day and told me then he said how the hell can it be on lockdown on Valentine's Day :P It's crazy in there everyday!
I also want to give you some very important advice to give to him and that is NO matter who pisses him off DO NOT engage them; just walk away! I don't know if he's in a min/med/max, but if he's in a max definitely walk away from drama. Mine is in a medium and he's always telling me somebody wants him to do stupid sh*t along with them but he's doing good and got his new number 2 years ago so he can come home on time! He works his butt off and stays to himself and they like him and I love that he's behaving because good gawd we don't need more years added!
One more thing and that's you say you guys email alot? I'm not really familiar with that but if it's anything like phone calls it's expensive right? You've got to set a monthly budget and stick to it or you're going to go into debt real quick! Yes it's wonderful, but you have to think of it in the long run. That's why I always tell ladies got to the post office and stock up on stamps.Go to Dollar Tree or whatever dollar store and get envelopes/paper/pens/pencils. It's SO much cheaper! I don't know where you're located but see if he can get a calling card. My guy has always had one so I never have to pay for calls! We only talk like that for twice a month, but it's worth not having a headache of an added bill that I don't need right now. Plus when I hear his voice it gives me more of a reason to drool and fall in love all over again :) :)
Take care of yourself and remember they can't keep him forever!
@grebsbaby thanks so much for your note! I have so many questions and thugs to learn from you I’m sure since you’re pretty much a “veteran” at this! I am gonna respond but I wanna do it in a msg so hopefully you accept my friend request! :)
Great advise gregsbaby!
Clearly I have a lot to learn as well.
I've found that there's a pattern developing. It looks like everytime there's a holiday like Christmas, Easter ect... There's a lockdown. I'm not sure if the facility does this because the inmates are restless and causing more trouble or if it's because there's typically less staff around that time and they just do it to keep everyone out of trouble.