I'm so depressed...

I'm already in bed, fighting to keep my eyes open. Been crying much of the day. I am feeling a lot of sadness right now and grieving. Over the loss of what should've been. I'm feeling immense sadness . No booze to numb myself... I just gotta feel. My ex husband is a fucking useless narcissistic mofo. I don't know when I am ever gonna learn that I cannot count on him. I couldn't when we were married so why should I now. I guess I thought he would at least show up for our kids. I wasn't important enough for Hiram to show up but I thought the kids would be now that we are divorced. Well nope. It's been 2 years since I left. 8 months since the divorce was final. Yesterday was my 22 wedding anniversary. I should be in the divorce support group on DS. I was in someone's house today in the old town that we lived in as a family. The town I loved. It brings me pain to drive through town. I almost started to cry in the house. A well lived in house, with the love and bustle of the family, the dog, the pictures of the family on the wall. Pictures of my friend and her husband. I should've had that. I did have that, except I didn't have a partner. I just want to run away. I don't want to talk to him ever again. He's remarried. His new mother
in law is here visiting, which means my dtr has been staying with me, as there is only 2 bedrooms and my dtr didn't want to stay there. And with there only being 2 bedrooms, there is not a bedroom for my son at his dads house. I lost my health insurance when he got remarried. Don't have any right now. I can't believe all the changes that have occurred in past 2 years it's a wonder I'm even able to function