I'm Lost with no sense of direction
Well its been a week since my surgery and physically I'm feeling better, I know that while I was in the hospital I was an emotional wreck. Never in my life have I had any type of surgery, I've never even had a cavity and at the time that I needed my wife the most she was in the arms of another man. It was so depressing that I was in the hospital for my first ever procedure in my life without the woman that I love so much and I was so afraid, afraid that I wasn't going to wake up, afraid that something may go wrong! I know I was crying after coming to because I could hear the voices of the people around me asking each other what was wrong with me, little did they know that my wife left me and that depression had overrun my life. I took it upon myself to file for divorce August 2nd, it's not what I wanted but I know I've lost her forever, she was served her papers earlier this week on the Aug. 7th and I know she doesn't care because she's made no attempt to contact me about them. I just can't get over 8 years together, just thrown away like they were some piece of trash. I don't know if I'll ever be happy again, my life is overrun with thoughts of her and pure sadness, I cry myself to sleep almost nightly. I miss the smell of her hair, the touch of her hand upon my cheek, her soft kiss upon my lips, I cry as I'm writing this and I feel as my soul has died. Will I ever learn to love and trust again?
Replies
Rudy,
I\'ve been going though a similar situation. I had to file for divorce even though I did not want to at the time. I cried myself to sleep, wondered if I would ever be happy again. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and disapear. Then I hit a stage were my emotions would go from up to down in a matter of moments. I won\'t lie and say that life is great right now, but it is better and I do have fun. One thing that really helped was when I just let her go. By that I mean I directed my thoughts and actions to myself. For many years I let myself go and thought of me second. My physical and mental health declined. Now all I have is myself and I am learning to be happy with that.
You are still a young man with lots to give to this world. Hang in there and I mean it when I say please contact me when you need someone to talk too. You are not alone.
Rudy - I feel your pain. My soul is dying as I type this. You\'re not alone man. You are not alone. Like Tony says, it helps to begin to focus on you. As much as it hurts. Even though it may feel selfish or hopeless, you do begin to feel moments of strength and confidence. I know it\'s hard. Right now my stomach is in knots and I can feel the physical pain of the withdrawal. That\'s what it is - your brain chemistry reacts like it does with any kind of addiction. It\'s so painful - especially when you feel abandoned. I too am willing to talk any time. Maybe we set up a little Google+ circle and can have our own divorce survivors group meeting :)