I'm in a state of confusion
Dear DS diary,
I'm not feeling myself this afternoon. At all. I really think the stress of the last few days has gotten to me in a really bad way.
The situation with my work hours extending was finally resolved for good yesterday. Instead of working on Thursday morning, I'll be working on Saturday morning instead. It's a wash in terms of the number of additional hours implicated. But it's raising new questions about how I'm going to make progress towards what I want to do -- get a real job and start training towards running a 5K -- because I'm noticing that when the pressure is on, my flight-or-fight response is leaning without question towards flight.
Adding to the pressure is that neither me or my mother feel that the pharmacy is going to be viable for much longer. The fact that the owner refused to hire a replacement for the tech who left last year is being viewed as a warning sign, and insurance isn't covering for a lot of the drugs we're filling these days. Mother is giving the pharmacy six months -- until the owner celebrates his 50th wedding anniversary in June -- and then she feels he will concede he must bail out. I have doubts it will last that long.
This wouldn't feel so overwhelming if I had anything to destress, but as I conceded to my life coach yesterday, I have nothing to that end. Every time I think of something that might be viable, the addiction issues of old come back...and it seems like they're coming back harder now. One of my friends gave me excellent advice about taking care of business first that is helping a little bit with this, but right now I feel like I have to hide everything I got at Christmas (I got a lot of games) because I fear what will happen if I so much as try them.
But without a destressor, I'm starting to have trouble sleeping again some nights. :( I feel so lost and confused. There is absolutely no fight in me this afternoon. None.
I'm not feeling myself this afternoon. At all. I really think the stress of the last few days has gotten to me in a really bad way.
The situation with my work hours extending was finally resolved for good yesterday. Instead of working on Thursday morning, I'll be working on Saturday morning instead. It's a wash in terms of the number of additional hours implicated. But it's raising new questions about how I'm going to make progress towards what I want to do -- get a real job and start training towards running a 5K -- because I'm noticing that when the pressure is on, my flight-or-fight response is leaning without question towards flight.
Adding to the pressure is that neither me or my mother feel that the pharmacy is going to be viable for much longer. The fact that the owner refused to hire a replacement for the tech who left last year is being viewed as a warning sign, and insurance isn't covering for a lot of the drugs we're filling these days. Mother is giving the pharmacy six months -- until the owner celebrates his 50th wedding anniversary in June -- and then she feels he will concede he must bail out. I have doubts it will last that long.
This wouldn't feel so overwhelming if I had anything to destress, but as I conceded to my life coach yesterday, I have nothing to that end. Every time I think of something that might be viable, the addiction issues of old come back...and it seems like they're coming back harder now. One of my friends gave me excellent advice about taking care of business first that is helping a little bit with this, but right now I feel like I have to hide everything I got at Christmas (I got a lot of games) because I fear what will happen if I so much as try them.
But without a destressor, I'm starting to have trouble sleeping again some nights. :( I feel so lost and confused. There is absolutely no fight in me this afternoon. None.
Replies
Alll of us get overwhelmed at times. I think easier for us then regular people.
The taking care of business is one of the greatest things I htink I have come up with. We all want to \"panic and run screaming for the hills or just shut down and move to a foreign country and hide under a bed when things are going sideways.
But instead of that. Just chill for a minute. Think about what needs to be done. Think about how you are reacting. (panic fear paralysis zoning out?) Ex I need to have a shower and do up a resume (it can be anything) but I am looking for an \"out\" instead.
I will shower then I will take 10 min to play a vidoe game then I will work on my resume for 30 min then I can play another 10 minutes on the game. That way you are allowing yourself to have you \"escape and coping\" but you are also TCB and getting thngs done that need to be done.
It takes a bit of work and you have to talk to yourself about it
But its worth it -- for your life and for your mind and for you self - esteem
love you