I'm important
I don't think there is ever going to be a time where taking care of myself is super easy and natural. Not now anyway. It seems as if I'm waiting for some divine intervention when in reality the only way to feel better about taking care of myself is to actually start taking care of myself! That's it. And that's really hard for me bc I'm not wired to take care of me- I've spent my whole entire life being told to take care of everyone else but me- to feel what everyone else was feeling bc it made it so much easier for them if I wasn't me.
As I was writing out my I forgive's this morning I realized how fucking rediculous it was that I was forgiving myself for that. But I feel its necessary to write out the crazy shit in my mind before I start to analyze it for trustworthiness. Getting it out is key- bc u can't change what u don't see. Its like I feel like I'm doing something wrong taking care of myself. Why? I feel like I love myself more now than I ever have. But maybe I'm not all the way there yet.
I'm gonna force myself to groom myself daily from now on. I'm not speaking of cleanliness- I shower twice a day- I'm speaking about taking the time to do my hair and makeup and dress decent so I feel good. I don't always need that to feel good- but a lot of times it really helps. And I wake up in the morning feeling like there is too much important things to do to spend an hour getting ready. But when I do I feel so much better about myself all day. And dammit- IM important. Feeling good about me is important. That's the key. That's what I need to embrace. I'm important.
As I was writing out my I forgive's this morning I realized how fucking rediculous it was that I was forgiving myself for that. But I feel its necessary to write out the crazy shit in my mind before I start to analyze it for trustworthiness. Getting it out is key- bc u can't change what u don't see. Its like I feel like I'm doing something wrong taking care of myself. Why? I feel like I love myself more now than I ever have. But maybe I'm not all the way there yet.
I'm gonna force myself to groom myself daily from now on. I'm not speaking of cleanliness- I shower twice a day- I'm speaking about taking the time to do my hair and makeup and dress decent so I feel good. I don't always need that to feel good- but a lot of times it really helps. And I wake up in the morning feeling like there is too much important things to do to spend an hour getting ready. But when I do I feel so much better about myself all day. And dammit- IM important. Feeling good about me is important. That's the key. That's what I need to embrace. I'm important.
Replies
Great start! Looking your best for you, does wonders. Baby steps hun, it\'s all about baby steps.
And about forgiving yourself, that\'s important; very important. But what I\'ve learned is all about the language - am I forgiving myself to further berate myself, or am I really doing it in a loving, nurturing, and unconditional way? It\'s all in how and what we say to ourselves.
p.s. once you start the work on yourself... a little at a time, internalize the good stuff, and get into boundary work - it does become natural after a while. The only thing is, and here\'s where I\'ve always made my biggest mistake, once I get to that glorious (normal) place, I start to think I don\'t need to keep doing the work, and before I know it.. back to square one. Basically, working on, and protecting yourself, is a life long thing - treasure it, keep it close, and let know one take it away.
You couldn\'t be more right. That\'s my daily goal from now on. Thank you so much for your input :)