I'm having one of those days...
...the kinds of days I don't like to happen. I seem to be feeling very aggravated and I don't want to be around people much.
I can't really put my finger on one exact reason why...it seems to be a combination of things that are making me very angry at myself. I'm going to try to list them here and see if that does me any good:
1) I don't know if I've mentioned this, but considering how horrible I was at stress management over the previous semester, I'm already really scared about the fall. It's not a good sign for me to be worried about it that early, and it doesn't matter what the excuse is.
2) Long weekends and me don't get along. It's probably because my heart and head aren't getting along, either. My heart is saying that I should take some time to relax. My head is saying "What extra stuff is there to do around the house?". Almost always my head wins out, and chaos in the house ensues. Sparing you the details, it already reared its ugly head this morning. Which brings me to...
3) All these personal issues I'm having...they just don't want to line up to be addressed in some kind of order. They're screaming in my heart to all be handled at once. I realize that isn't possible...but I feel defenseless to stop the voices (this is making me cry as I type this). I think it's because they've been so entrenched for so long that my heart is just totally sick of it.
It's no wonder, then, that I can't seem to stay at OK for long...I mean, I am far from suicidal (those days have long passed), but this is one of those days that makes me wonder if I will ever be so much as content.
I can't really put my finger on one exact reason why...it seems to be a combination of things that are making me very angry at myself. I'm going to try to list them here and see if that does me any good:
1) I don't know if I've mentioned this, but considering how horrible I was at stress management over the previous semester, I'm already really scared about the fall. It's not a good sign for me to be worried about it that early, and it doesn't matter what the excuse is.
2) Long weekends and me don't get along. It's probably because my heart and head aren't getting along, either. My heart is saying that I should take some time to relax. My head is saying "What extra stuff is there to do around the house?". Almost always my head wins out, and chaos in the house ensues. Sparing you the details, it already reared its ugly head this morning. Which brings me to...
3) All these personal issues I'm having...they just don't want to line up to be addressed in some kind of order. They're screaming in my heart to all be handled at once. I realize that isn't possible...but I feel defenseless to stop the voices (this is making me cry as I type this). I think it's because they've been so entrenched for so long that my heart is just totally sick of it.
It's no wonder, then, that I can't seem to stay at OK for long...I mean, I am far from suicidal (those days have long passed), but this is one of those days that makes me wonder if I will ever be so much as content.
Replies