I'm good
I'm doing great. I am living well. I am only on here because I did have a slight low moment. None of my bad moments are so bad that I need to get on here, and I have learned to cope with some feelings a lot better. If I'm sad, I say I'm sad. I've finally actually told a friend I went to school with about my history with rape (no real details though). I think she also knows about my ED. I thought my ED was over, but it's not. That's why I'm here today. I'm worrying...well, more like I'm wondering if maybe my ED is the cause to my chronic pain. My joint issues....and lately, my heart has felt funny. I've even wondered if maybe I'm preggo.......but even so, my chest shouldn't feel like it does. It's not bad though - very slight in fact, and not even a daily issue. I think it has something to do with my hormones though.
If I were skinny, I'd go get help. Even though I'm mostly fine and fight my ED very well, I'd still try. Part of me feels like my life would be so much better if I weren't so big. Well...I'm a 12/14 now actually. Sometimes I lose weight and sometimes I gain, but I stay right around/at 200 lbs. I'm 5'5", so yeah, pretty lumpy. And I cant exercise! I always, every single time, end up over exercising! Plus, I don't want to deal with the chronic pain and stiffness. It may get better for the most part, but there will be days and times when it worsens from working out.
Overall, I want to lose weight! Healthily! LOL! It's so annoying. I haven't even told my parents yet. It's been over a decade and they don't know. Sometimes, I do want to give in. The restricting is the MOST ABSOLUTE HARDEST symptom to fight. It really is. Even if everything else is good, I will want to restrict before I feel a craving to do anything else. IT's crazy, lol!
But I'm doing good though. It's been almost a year since I last visited this site (I think). I'm really happy though, because where I am now verses where I was where I first signed up............MY GOODNESS, WHAT A CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL :)
If I were skinny, I'd go get help. Even though I'm mostly fine and fight my ED very well, I'd still try. Part of me feels like my life would be so much better if I weren't so big. Well...I'm a 12/14 now actually. Sometimes I lose weight and sometimes I gain, but I stay right around/at 200 lbs. I'm 5'5", so yeah, pretty lumpy. And I cant exercise! I always, every single time, end up over exercising! Plus, I don't want to deal with the chronic pain and stiffness. It may get better for the most part, but there will be days and times when it worsens from working out.
Overall, I want to lose weight! Healthily! LOL! It's so annoying. I haven't even told my parents yet. It's been over a decade and they don't know. Sometimes, I do want to give in. The restricting is the MOST ABSOLUTE HARDEST symptom to fight. It really is. Even if everything else is good, I will want to restrict before I feel a craving to do anything else. IT's crazy, lol!
But I'm doing good though. It's been almost a year since I last visited this site (I think). I'm really happy though, because where I am now verses where I was where I first signed up............MY GOODNESS, WHAT A CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL :)
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