I'm Feeling Bugged Today...
This is going to be kind of a long entry because I haven't updated in a while and two things are on my mind today. To make it a tad easier to follow I'm going to number them:
1) I went to the tutoring center yesterday to get some advance help on systems of equations in my math course, a concept I've never been comfortable with, ever. When I got there, I found my usual tutor wasn't there; she was in a separate annex room that also serves a tutoring center in the building. I didn't have a lot of time -- and thus didn't want to go annex-hunting -- so I tried one of the other tutors instead.
It wasn't a bad session, but...I didn't feel comfortable. From a chemistry standpoint, something just felt wrong. My usual tutor is also a student on campus so I could relate to her...the man I drew this time was a lot older and looked more like a professor. I'm pretty sure that had a lot to do with it. I could afford a throwaway session so I stopped short of the section that is really going to give me trouble, which I didn't want to do but had to because I can't switch tutors mid-session.
I'm not trying to bad mouth the guy, he was good. But my heart wasn't happy with the chance I took, so I had to make a mental note: If I can't get my usual tutor next time, I'll need to ask if any other female tutors are available (as much I don't want to concede it, that's where my comfort zone is), and if there aren't, I should come back another time.
2) I've gotten lucky so far this week...which is giving me mixed feelings. My business law class is not going as fast as had been predicted -- the first exam next week is only going to cover three chapters, and I locked up notes for the last of those yesterday morning. It was originally supposed to be five chapters. This means I've rallied to catch up in three courses out of four now, and if I can manage another reading barrage today it will be all four, which would make me feel a little better.
Or maybe it wouldn't. See, I really want to see this paralegal thing eventually work out -- if it doesn't and I end up a pharmacy technician, maybe I'll study pharmacy law in my spare time because there is such a thing -- and so I'm taking it very seriously. When I get a course syllabus, my hope is that eventually everything on it is going to be covered, because honestly, I want to be able to say that I actually learned something this time around.
Right now, only two of my courses are on that pace, which bothers me because the two that aren't are the law courses. In one it doesn't come as a shock -- the legal research professor conceded at the start that there is so much material she probably won't get to it all -- but in my business law class it does kinda come as a shock (no warning that was possible).
This slower-than-expected pace is helping me catch up, but it's also making me upset because the feelings of catching lucky breaks that ran riot in the spring are now coming back, again. I'm going to be caught up but only because the professors couldn't keep up with their own syllabi for whatever reason, and I'm starting to worry that I won't get what I feel I should get out of the courses.
It's hard for me to explain, but...I just don't like it. I prefer to earn my marks, and what I've seen so far is just giving me the feeling that at least in part there will be an extent to which that I feel that whatever grades I get won't be earned because not everything was covered. (sigh)
1) I went to the tutoring center yesterday to get some advance help on systems of equations in my math course, a concept I've never been comfortable with, ever. When I got there, I found my usual tutor wasn't there; she was in a separate annex room that also serves a tutoring center in the building. I didn't have a lot of time -- and thus didn't want to go annex-hunting -- so I tried one of the other tutors instead.
It wasn't a bad session, but...I didn't feel comfortable. From a chemistry standpoint, something just felt wrong. My usual tutor is also a student on campus so I could relate to her...the man I drew this time was a lot older and looked more like a professor. I'm pretty sure that had a lot to do with it. I could afford a throwaway session so I stopped short of the section that is really going to give me trouble, which I didn't want to do but had to because I can't switch tutors mid-session.
I'm not trying to bad mouth the guy, he was good. But my heart wasn't happy with the chance I took, so I had to make a mental note: If I can't get my usual tutor next time, I'll need to ask if any other female tutors are available (as much I don't want to concede it, that's where my comfort zone is), and if there aren't, I should come back another time.
2) I've gotten lucky so far this week...which is giving me mixed feelings. My business law class is not going as fast as had been predicted -- the first exam next week is only going to cover three chapters, and I locked up notes for the last of those yesterday morning. It was originally supposed to be five chapters. This means I've rallied to catch up in three courses out of four now, and if I can manage another reading barrage today it will be all four, which would make me feel a little better.
Or maybe it wouldn't. See, I really want to see this paralegal thing eventually work out -- if it doesn't and I end up a pharmacy technician, maybe I'll study pharmacy law in my spare time because there is such a thing -- and so I'm taking it very seriously. When I get a course syllabus, my hope is that eventually everything on it is going to be covered, because honestly, I want to be able to say that I actually learned something this time around.
Right now, only two of my courses are on that pace, which bothers me because the two that aren't are the law courses. In one it doesn't come as a shock -- the legal research professor conceded at the start that there is so much material she probably won't get to it all -- but in my business law class it does kinda come as a shock (no warning that was possible).
This slower-than-expected pace is helping me catch up, but it's also making me upset because the feelings of catching lucky breaks that ran riot in the spring are now coming back, again. I'm going to be caught up but only because the professors couldn't keep up with their own syllabi for whatever reason, and I'm starting to worry that I won't get what I feel I should get out of the courses.
It's hard for me to explain, but...I just don't like it. I prefer to earn my marks, and what I've seen so far is just giving me the feeling that at least in part there will be an extent to which that I feel that whatever grades I get won't be earned because not everything was covered. (sigh)
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