I'm Falling

Some times I hate having other personalities. Some of us could try to work while others are scared to death. I am hurting so badly financially I wish I knew what to do. I am so tired of me. Why do I have to be so complicating? When I am full of energy and feel like I can cope I start projects and am really positive about getting something done, but then I switch into an unpredictable personality and nothing gets accomplished. I have great things I want to accomplish in my life, but some times I do not show up for the projects that I have begun. Times like this I just want to give up.... I have the blues tonight wrapped in fear and confusion. I just want to act out. I'm so disgusted with myself 
Please excuse this pity party I'm having. I think I'm having some backlash from processing some of my SRA issues and I'm trying to eat them away which makes me full of frustration and anger. I'm also annoyed, because my Doctor increased my anti psychotic meds to help with the continuous nightmares. Just when I thought I was getting threw to eating well balanced the extra meds have increased my appetite. I'm so done with me!!!! 
I always write what I am feeling and how I'm doing. This is true. So it is tonight and I'm not in a very good spot in my head and my heart. Times like this I get a little suicidal. All I can do is pray I get through tonight. I just feel like i'm falling into a pit of tar and I keep sinking. :(