I'm Bummed...
For every up there's a down I guess. I saw my "friend" today walking downtown with her new boyfriend and their three kids looking happy as a lark. This is a person who I thought would be a great friend but has exhibited some not so great behavior in the past month or so that now I'm now questioning because she seems to be a bit competitive, unreliable and selfish. I'm happy that I have seen these signs early on and am now pulling back a bit myself to see if I am right about her before I commit more to this friendship but now I just feel bummed. I'm jealous that herlife seems to be working out perfectly well and mine is definitely a challenge and sometimes a downright struggle. I'm happy with the direction I am taking and I feel like I'm successful in many ways but not having the "tangibles", lots of money, a beautiful house, doting boyfriend, to name a few, I feel like I'm below her or something. Well it doesn't take a genius to figure out I really don't feel that great about myself a lot of the time. I hate when I get insecure and jealous, it feels like I'm letting MYSELFdown. To top that off I'm also resentful because I think that bad behavior should have bad consequences but it rarely seems so in this world. Everyone who has hurt me has seemed to walk off scott free. It's not like I want other people to suffer or anything just have some sort of consequence for their behavior. It's like they have gotten away with something and there's nothing I can do about it. These two areas are where I struggle with the most:(
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Hi arat38. I know how hard it can be when we compare our lives to others. I\'ve had to overcome much of the same. I know you care and it seems when we care -others don\'t. I can only speak from my own experience regarding these feelings. So I have to say that I have recognize the injustice. I believe what happens between narcs and their echoes is that the narcs were so busy in our lives not being emotionally stable that we became the ones to absorb those feelings. Unfortunately, selfishness protects them from the same pain we feel. I know in the end, I would rather feel. I believe there is much more to gain from being genuine with ourselves as well as others. But what is a MUST is making SURE we are taking care of ourselves more than we ever have before. The pendulum MUST swing back towards us and we must learn to shake off some of the pain we have carried much too long out of life long habits. The ONLY way we can achieve where we want to be in life is to put one foot in front of the other until we are there. Everyday we must accomplish something towards that goal no matter how big or small. Wishing you peace and blessings tonight arat38...
Wow, what a strange day. This is my second journal entry of a friend that I have read and both of you are having bad days :( ... that suxs!!!
What I hear you saying is that you really do not have a lot of trust in the Universe. I strongly believe in what comes around goes around. To the core of my being. I know, without a shadow of a doubt that the Narc that so terribly hurt me is a wounded, pathetic man, that floats from one relationship to another, breaking hearts and causing havoc, and he is desperately unhappy and always will be. He thinks that the walls he constructed around himself (his false self) will stop him from getting hurt, but it will also stop him from ever connecting to another human being. How said is that?
So I do not have to worry about his consequences. His own bitter, miserable life will show him.
I also have a friend that anyone would envy. She has a mega rich BF, she is constantly flying off to Italy, Spain, the UK. She drives a mercedes, the BF spoils her silly and guess what? I do not envy her at all. Yes, I envy the travel, but I would not want her life nor would I want her BF that generiousity comes at an extremely high price. I won\'t even get into the what he had done to her, but believe me it is not enviable.
So on the surface, she is someone to be jealous of, in reality, she is very miserable.
I think about your friend and what type of message of not being goods enough she was receiving from the \'doting BF\' to make her go and distort her body to suit him.
There was a recent posting a Sex Addicts Codie forum that I belonged to entitled: Has your SA every asked you to obtain plastic surgery?
I do not think someone that is happy with themselves and their lives goes and has their body altered. I just had major non elective surgery and I can not imagine going thru the pain of surgery for vanity.
I just mentioning all of this (SORRY SO LONG) because very often when we look at the surface, we see a rosy picture that is not always the truth. The grass always looks greeener on the other side, but the only grass we need to pay attention to is the own lawn. When we can appreciate how green our grass is, looking at their grass will no longer cause envy.
Arat, I wish I could say some magic words here. I know some kind of magic that actually changes this and it does have to do with self acceptance and seeing/experiencing life not through having things but being connected to inner life in a profound way.
How bout this, I not only am low on friendships in my home town but I do not own a house and I like driving my old honda civic. I don\'t have things that show comfort and status nor do I have a boyfriend or children. Yes, I have been feeling down but one thing you bring to my attention is that I am not jealous nor have what I call separated from my self through other peoples things. Not that I can say this doesn\'t happen but I found some magic in me that passes all that up most all of the time.
I am thinking that I do not set myself up for the feeling of failure by looking at things possessions or conditions that the next person seems removed from.What makes life different and worth while to me is my connection to self and funny thing about that is that is the most difficult thing for people to do and ya just can\'t buy it...it is above and beyond all external securities.
Not a simple thing to write about or even explain. How to get there is no more so either. There is a lot to say for self love and I do not mean the narcissistic kind. That is illusionary and self centered ( small picture) rather than being centered in self (gigantic). There is a difference.What I am describing most likely makes no sense there fore I am only illcuding to something I can not get my hands on in a physical voice like manner and it has to do with one spirit rather than possessions.
There are many saying based on the reality that it is not what happens but what one\'thinks\' about what happens. So your thoughts on this other persons wonderful life are what are giving it its power. Many people seem to have it all or at least more than I have and likely what I imagine I want or need. Yet logically many people are not happy with all those things and the so called perfect looking life. not that this friend doesn\'t seem happy but that her happiness is not because of those things and if it is then her happiness is dependent on keeping those things in place. OK ...I am stopping here. (((hugs))) to you for feeling of not having but just remember there is more to life and happiness then having things, owning things. every thing is ultimately transitory and subject to change but one thing...self connection. that lasts and money doesn\'t create it. A sweet connection internally means that not one thing on the exterior is ever adequate to describe a self. Money isn\'t a self. Children are not a self , boyfriend is not a self. Good relationship begins internally. Peace, pageo
Thank you soooo much everyone. I feel loads better now. It always helps when I get pushed back to the right path again. I reverted to old thinking yesterday because I know what every one of you is saying is true. It all comes from within and obviously I think I\'m a little lacking in that department which is what my journey is about...strengthening self.
I am easily influenced by what I think I SHOULD have based on society and other\'s standards. A nice car, a nice house, a BF, a white picket fence..haha. But it is so true that those are all tangibles are subject to change like Pageo says. It is easy for me to veer off my path when I get too caught up in those around me. You are right Susy that I need to look at my green grass. I always underestimate it. And AdultDau you are right that I am a much richer person for being able to FEEL at all!
You know there\'s one thing that is priceless to me right now and that\'s all the support and kindness I receive from you guys!!! THANKS!!!