I'm an idiot....
So today I am 8dp5dt....and I'm pretty much an idiot, I took a HPT ( not an early one, a cheapy one) last night and this morning and saw one big line......so now I'm upset and I did it to myself. I've just heard that many people will have positives as early as 6 days past a 5 day transfer and I really feel like this first IVF is a bust. I have period like cramps and I just know my body and in my heart I know I'm not pregnant. But of course I have to wait untl the Beta test on Monday and I feel like it's a waste of time.
I really don't know why I do this to myself, I honestly don't feel it's EVER going to happen for me and I'm so tired of people telling me to be positive when all I'm used to hearing is no, no and no. I guess you can say I'm angry right now, feeling like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I've already taken myself out the game when I know logically that I'm still in it.
Why does this have to be so hard....
I really don't know why I do this to myself, I honestly don't feel it's EVER going to happen for me and I'm so tired of people telling me to be positive when all I'm used to hearing is no, no and no. I guess you can say I'm angry right now, feeling like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I've already taken myself out the game when I know logically that I'm still in it.
Why does this have to be so hard....
Replies
Oh hon, I\'m sorry :( This whole infertility waiting game is such a bitch on our emotions! I\'m keeping my fingers crossed that it\'s just a false negative and your BETA on Monday will come back with great numbers :) Big hugs!! All of us are here cheering you on. Thinking of you :)
you are not an idiot! My RE does 2 betas he doesn\'t like to tell the HCG level on the first one he really is just checking progesterone, well like an idiot I asked if there was HCG present in my blood from the first test and he told me no, then 5 days later I got a BFP. you are definitely not out of the game testing this early, try not to beat yourself up. The 2nd week of the 2WW is torture everyone breaks down at this point. Hang in there :)
So sorry hun. All this waiting really F\'s with us. But it could be too early. I have the ever so faintest line. Like really had to struggle to see it when my second beta came in over 300. So don\'t take yourself out of the game just yet. Lots could happen before Monday!
I agree, don\'t count this out just yet. You still have reason to be hopeful - its still very early and you could have a late implanter - both reasons why you wouldn\'t see a positive. Also, you used a cheap test that doesn\'t detect early pregnancy, so that could also be a huge factor. I know this is the hardest part - the last few days before beta - so try and do something wonderful for yourself. We are all here for you.
Yeah it is early- I tested with an HTP on 12dp5dt and got a VERY light positive (and that was with twins) 3 days before my beta. So I know it is disappointing but hold on strong- like you said, logically you are still in! I am pullin\' for you even if you feel out of the game.
Easier said than done when you see a stark white test (I did the same for my first IVF), but I really do agree with the ladies that it may be too early. Try to reamain hopeful, it can still happen and you are not out. Cheer up friend.
Let us remain hopeful for you and I will be praying for you. Infertility is such a cruel disease. I am hoping it was just too early. Thinking of you!!
I agree with the girls, we\'ll stay hopeful for you. It\'s early and you used a cheap test. It could still be a bfp.
I know it\'s hard when all that you see is one line. I\'ve tested one day and gotten a bfn and a clear positive the next day.
Sending good vibes your way.
Wish u the best of luck. Praying and hoping for a bfp. Just keep ur hopes up. Lots and lots of baby dust to u.
If you\'re an idiot then I\'m an idiot, so at least we are in good company! All joking aside though, be easy on yourself. This journey is so hard, the waiting is hard, keeping our hopes up is hard because we just come to expect the same disappointment time after time. Be easy on yourself and even if you can\'t find it in you to be positive or hopeful right now, we\'re here to carry your hope for you. Just allow yourself to be open to the possibility of this time being different from the past. By that I mean, just tell yourself it aint over till that BETA comes back!
Thinking of you and sending you lots of love and hugs! XOXO
You are NOT an idiot. I think 99% of EVERYONE in our support system on here has peed on a stick way too early and got worked up over it. And then we all wrote about it on here LOL! I have seen time and time again gut instincts being completely WRONG in this. So if you feel like it didn\'t take, don\'t completely believe that until the blood work does the talking friend. Also keep in mind because of all the fertility drugs coursing through your entire body right now it can really mess with a HPT result in a big way and in a deceiving way.
Keep the faith until Monday friend and try to hang in there. IVF and infertility as a whole is a massive mental game just as much as it is a beating the odds medical game. I wish this wasnt hard but it really is. You deserve a medal just getting through all the shots & egg retrieval! There is nothing gentle, warm, and/or fuzzy about IVF and there are moments where it breaks my heart and makes me so incredibly angry that there isnt an easier way to get through all of this for all of you incredible ladies and myself. Eye of the Tiger pretty lady!! *HUG!!!
You have every right to be angry- IF is a bitch that no one should have to go through. And you\'re not an idiot. It\'s so hard to stay hopeful, so we will keep up the hope for you. Sorry this is so hard friend.
Try to keep your head up until Monday honey, you never know what could happen!! XO
IF is so unfair hun... You aren\'t an idiot- I\'ve peed on tons of sticks and felt the let down. Please, please know you are still very much in it. That\'s what we are here for- we can be positive for you!!!
Thank you so much ladies for the outpouring of love and support. I honestly don\'t know what I would do without each and everyone of you. It\'s nice to know that I can be carried when I\'m so down.