I\'m about to give up hope.

I just don't know what to do. I don't understand how I'm feeling. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. I really just want to hide. I'm so lonely, I feel like I'm going to go crazy. I have found it harder and harder to get out, though. My anxiety about going out seems to have gotten worse. My friend from Russia is supposed to come near the end of March. I'm so scared. I'm too unstable. I'm crazy. He won't like me. I'm afraid I'll have PA's, and I won't be able to show him around and show him a good time. I guess that I'll always be alone. I neededn't ever pray again for a husband. I'm just not meant to have one. My checking account is messed up. I can't figure it out. I don't know why my balance is so low, way lower than what I have figured up in my checkbook. I don't even know if I can pay all of my bills this month. You know, my whole life has been a waste. I do nothing. I accomplish nothing. I am nothing. I really hate myself. I've prayed. I've asked The Lord what my purpose is, if He's really listening to me, if He's really here for me. I don't know anymore. I've considered moving to Savannah to be near my sister. I'll still wind up lonely. Mentally ill. I hate the word. Why have I had to suffer with fear for so long? It's taken my life from me. I feel like I would rather have cancer than to have anxiety. And, the OCD! It's so horrible, like being trapped inside my own body, unable to stop the scary, bad thoughts from coming through my head, and all the OCD movements I do to counteract them. I've hated what my life has been. I just don't understand why my life had to be this way. I don't know how to fix it. I've prayed for The Lord to heal me, to show me what to do to help myself, and for the strength to do the things I need to do to help myself. I get no answers. I've been here before, so many times before. I'm a failure. I'm a disappointment to myself, The Lord, and my family. I've almost given up hope.       

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Don\'t give up! You are NOT a failure either!!! BE STRONG! You are in my prayers :)
deleted_user
deleted_user

My dear sweet friend...Please listen to what I have to say. I KNOW you have issues and I KNOW you feel hopeless but you have ME and many other friends that just adore you! I wish I lived closer because it sure would be nice to have a human hug once in a while when we feel like we do!

The OCD for me is getting worse everyday and I know the overwhelming feeling it gives to me. I too would sometimes rather be dx with something like cancer then to know it willgo on for the rest of my life.

YOu are not a failure...you are MY FRIEND! So you can\'t go to the store...who cares...so your checkbook is messed up...it will all work out somehow like it always does!

Will you be alone forever, I honestly can\'t tell you about that, but I know I am with somebody and I still feel alone sometimes, so don\'t feel like you are the only one who dreams of a better life. I am SO WITH YOU THERE!

We all screw up...we all feel like our purpose in life is null and void! I have no clue, honestly why I was put on this earth. I screw up everybodys life around me...I have very very few friends...nobody that would actually drive to my house to be by my side in a time of need. Nobody really truely loves me for who I am, but for some reason I continue to move forward, not really even knowing why!

Is there a God...is He there for us in our time? Kacey, I wish I could help you with that one? I sturggle with that one too. It seems like everybody around me has a better life, more money , better jobs, better husbands and boyfriends that I do. I pray about it...I beg of God to guide me...please Lord help me straighten my life up? Bring me somebody to love me again. and NOTHING! Does that mean he doesn\'t exsist? I really don\'t know. All I can do is continue to pray that He is there for me and for you!

You have been there for me for a very long time here on DS and I adore you! If ever there is something I can do to make you feel better...you BETTER CALL ME, send me an EMAIL or just talk to me. ( I have pretty good hearing...and I KNOW where you live) LOL

I mean it kacey...if you don\'t know me well enough by now to KNOW there is nothing in this world I wouldn\'t do for you! I would drop my entire life to be by your side to help you if that is what it took...so REMEMBER THAT DARLIN\' REMEMBER ME!

I love you