I look at my kids
And feel guilty that I brought them into this shitty world. It is the most grandiose selfish thing I have ever done next to my suicide attempt. To curse innocents with this miserable feudal existence. I believe life is hell, but not in the biblical sense. Eternity of fire and brimstone is nothing compared to an existence based on a false sense of hope. Happiness without apathy is impossible in this fucking dystopia.
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I have alot of days where I feel this way. Yes, it's awful where things are going right now but dont lose hope. John 3:16 has been going thru my mind alot.
Keep praying, stay close to God and keep the faith.
I'm can sympathize with what you feel. I read this quote once, not sure if it will help.
"Never be sorry for raising dragon slayers in a time with actual dragons".
I dont have kids, but it really helped me when I look at my nieces and nephews. It gave me hope for them. Im sorry you are feeling this way. The world is cruel and despertly messed up. Hang in there.
Whatever my guilt load of the day over having brought innocents into this fucking dystopia, done is done. Now to make the best of a bad situation. Stepping small, praying big and holding the love sacred. . .
I'm ever more convinced that happiness has allot more to do with my attitude than the circumstance in which I find myself. Is that a problem or is it an opportunity to learn and grow?
I solidly agree that "Eternity of fire and brimstone is nothing compared to an existence based on a false sense of hope." Do I question my existence or my false sense of hope. It is possible to find hope in the ugliest of truths? It is certainly easier to stay hopeful when my hopes are based on realistic expectations.
Sorry to have to agree with you, bingofuel. When I got married I got a vasectomy as part of the relationship because I was a survivor of weekly closed fist beatings from my dad when I was a kid. My mom beat me, too. I didn't want to leave any possibility open that I might pass those or other verbal behaviors on to any child. 10 years later I got divorced, and because I took PTSD therapy just as seriously my behavior even then never lowered itself to the physical or verbal abuse of my marriage of my family of origin. That tells me that maybe I would have been different from them after all, but I'm still glad that I guaranteed that.
I echo Broken: I have days where I feel this way, too. IMHO, if you don't ever feel this way when you have children, you're seriously blind to the world and/or ignorantly blissful. This makes those of us who occasionally slip into this negative thought pattern "critical thinkers' with two very different levels of "critical". The second being, one that is literal and destructive to ourselves and our mental and spiritual health.
I often visualize myself doggy-paddling in this deep, dark murkiness; in this effin' dystopian murk (yes, I agree with you; let's call it what it is.) For me, a desire to hone my spirituality is my only anchor to sanity and I am grateful for this tether for my family's sake. I truly believe it's the answer for everyone right now; in tandem with seeking out like-minded people and building community with them. But this is just one deeply troubled individual's answer and what I am currently seeking to heal myself.
Just know that you are NOT ALONE. In those moments of despair, remind yourself that you are NOT on an island, even though it feels that way at times. There are so many of us that are feeling guilt over bringing kids into this wicked and deranged world. Now is the chance to re-frame that thought and see them for the "light in this world" that can change all of this and fight for a better future (I love the "dragon-slayer quote" from Judicator. Nurturing them means nurturing yourself, You need only seek a higher spiritual plane (for me, it is the Lord Jesus Christ) and muster the energy to reach out to like-minded individuals for a network of support. Cling to these rocks. Believe in your values. Don't let the media, the politicians and the hyper-academics get you down. YOU know what is best for you.
It is not a true reflection of all that is. In fact, it is a well-propagated false facsimile of reality. The entire system is built on your servitude and dependence. The idea is to break you down over time, so you can be saved. All in a perverted sense of validating the system itself.
This is our chance to reject the system. This is our chance to love one another, even if that is not reciprocated. This is our chance to recognize the comfort we have had for so long and that comfort perpetuates apathy and complacency. This is our chance to right the wrongs of the past. This is our chance to triumph.
Sending love, prayers and positive energy.